7 Reason Couples Disagree About Getting Relationship Help
Men and women are obviously different and that is why they disagree about getting relationship help. Not knowing the foundation for or why the following 7 items are true, will drive you to work on symptoms not the real problem.
All 7 reasons are driven by the designs of men and women as well as the judgments God has placed on men and women.
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. – Genesis 1:27
1. Women are designed to be fulfilled from Relationships
When you go course 2, you see the marvelous way God created man and woman. The differences in men and women create different thoughts about getting relationship help. For women, getting relationship help it is a great idea, because their design is more about relationships. That means getting relationship help is helping them fulfill their design.
2. Men are designed to be fulfilled from Work and Activities
On the other hand, for men, relationship help is not a big issue, because their design is about work and activities. Going to someone to discuss relationship issues is not something that appeals a man's design. Any man that comes to a relationship class or discussion will likely have some real apprehension. I typically tell them I understand they don't want to be there and that is simply because they are a man.
When you know the differences in the designs of men and women, you can make a substantial change in a relationship. The problem is taking knowledge, accepting it and acting on it. That turns knowledge into wisdom. If you don't know these God-given designs, you don't have a good foundation to build on. For more on the designs go to course 2a - God's Design for Excellent Relationships. For more information, go to course 3a - Men and Women Are Different - REALLY!.
3. Women’s design to relate places relationships as the priority and will desire, even pressure a man for a relationship, wanting time for and work on the relationship
Since a woman is designed to relate, working on the relationship is a priority. It also fits her emotional needs, but the woman's judgment (or curse) is at work also. For more on that, go to GR8 Relationships course 4a - The Unknown Judgment for Women and 4b - The Unknown Judgment for Men.
4. Men’s design to work views time working on relationships as lower priority and will resist pressure to relate, wanting time for work and activities not relationships
Men see this relationship stuff as second priority at best. It is because they are wired for work and activity rather than "sitting around and relating". Ever notice that men tend to relate around some activity? But women can just relate to each other over a cup of coffee. Men can do that, but it is not the typical approach for men.
5. Women’s design encourages good, hopeful feelings when seeking help
Why? Because she is wired that way. Since she wants fulfilling relationships. She sees this time of counselling as good and possibly even exciting.
6. Men’s design encourages bad, failure feelings when seeking help
While the woman sees it as hopeful and good, the man sees it as failure. A man's design is about being victorious and winning. When things don't work in the relationship, it creates feelings of failure which goes directly against a man's design.
7. Both men & women are more interested in themselves their own feelings, their own happiness, than what is best for the relationship or the other person
Most importantly, no matter the design of man or woman, everyone "makes life about themselves". Everyone's "ME is flashing". So, that alone creates a problem for getting relationship help. If one person is more at fault, they will have less tendency to go, unless they are committed to trying to work to restore the relationship. Making life about "ME" destroys all relationships and is THE PROBLEM for any relationship.
GR8 Relationships—Pursuing the BEST in work, in life, in love.
Right Thinking—Right Relationships—Right NOW!!