Relationship Help – 7 Reasons Couples Disagree About Getting Help

Men and women are obviously different, which is part of the reason they disagree about getting relationship help. Not knowing the foundation for or why the following seven items are accurate will drive you to work on symptoms, not the real problem. 

The designs of men and women and the judgments of God drive the disagreements!

Relationship Help – 7 Reasons Couples Disagree About Getting Help

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27

1. Women are designed to be fulfilled from Relationships

In course 02A, you see God's marvelous creation of man and woman. The designs of men and women create different thoughts about getting relationship help. Getting relationship help is a great desire for women because their design is more about relationships. That means getting relationship help fits completely with their design.

2. Men are designed to be fulfilled from Work and Activities

On the other hand, for men, relationship help is less important because their design is about work and activities. Going to someone to get relationship help is not something that appeals to a man's design. Any man that comes to a relationship class or discussion will likely have some real apprehension. I typically tell them I understand that they don't want to be there and that it is simply because they are a man.

When you know the differences in the designs of men and women, relationships have a better foundation for substantial change. The problem is taking knowledge, accepting it, and acting on it. That turns knowledge into wisdom. If you don't know these God-given designs, you don't have an excellent foundation to build on. Relationship help comes from knowing the designs - course 2a - God's Design for Excellent Relationships. For more help, go to course 3a - Men and Women Are Different - REALLY!.

3. Women’s design to relate places relationships as the priority and will desire, even pressure a man for a relationship, wanting time for and work on the relationship

Since a woman is designed to relate, working on the relationship is a priority. It also fits her emotional needs, but the woman's judgment (or curse) is at work also. For more, go to GR8 Relationships course 4a - The Unknown Judgment for Women and 4b - The Unknown Judgment for Men. Any relationship help depends on knowing the judgments!

4. Men’s design to work views time working on relationships as a lower priority and will resist pressure to relate, wanting time for work and activities, not relationships

Men see this relationship stuff as a second priority at best. They are wired for work and activity rather than "sitting around and relating." Ever notice that men tend to relate around some activity? But women can relate to each other over a cup of coffee. Men can do that, but it is not the typical approach for men. Just knowing that piece of information can be excellent relationship help.

5. Women’s design encourages good, hopeful feelings when seeking help

Why? Because she is wired that way. Since she wants fulfilling relationships. She sees this time of counseling as good and possibly even exciting.

6. Men’s design encourages bad, failure feelings when seeking help

While the woman sees it as hopeful and promising, the man sees it as a failure. A man's design is about being victorious and winning. When things don't work in the relationship, it creates feelings of failure, which goes directly against a man's design. Relationship help is not what he is looking for. He is looking for a solution to a problem that can be fixed without spending too much time dealing with feelings and relating!

7. Both men & women are more interested in themselves, their feelings, and their happiness than what is best for the relationship or the other person

Most importantly, no matter the design of man or woman, everyone "makes life about themselves." Everyone's "ME is flashing." So, that alone creates a problem for getting relationship help. If one person is more at fault, they will have less tendency to go unless they are committed to trying to work to restore the relationship. Making life about "ME" destroys all relationships and is THE PROBLEM for any relationship.

PURSUING THEIR BEST - Freedom in Relationships

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