Just Get Out
When you live with relationship pain, you often think, "Give me some relief!" But God wants you to embrace the pain and trust His complete PERFECTION! Trying to get out of relationship pain is a common theme when you hear the stories of broken marriages and families because of divorce.
Deborah said, "God wasn't in the picture. When times were tough, friends said, 'Just get out.'" And even though she did not readily accept the divorce option, she did not want to continue in the relationship pain, so divorce became her ONLY option.
But, when she divorced, and her parent's 26-year marriage ended in divorce soon afterward, her whole world crumbled. "I somewhat gave up and left the church. Now there was no one around me to provide good counsel. And, I never took the time to look up (to God)."
When you act on lousy thinking like that, you often attract and associate with people of similar emotional health. They tell you it's time to stop the relationship pain and leave the marriage. Of course, you want to hear that advice!
Consider this provocative question - "Do you think divorce is a sin?"
That is not true, especially when you know that God put a provision for divorce into the Mosaic Law in Deuteronomy 24. I am comfortable stating that divorce is not a sin, but sin is what leads to divorce. That is easier for me to accept when God provides instructions on how to go about a divorce. Please watch the course 11b videos to learn more.
The hardness of the heart drives the event of divorce. Of course, divorce may be that difficult circumstance of life that God uses to bring a person back to Him. In some ways, that is how Deborah ended up in church after her third divorce.
God's original design for marriage did not have any options for separation, much less divorce (Genesis 2:24). Because of the hardness of man's heart, the Code of Hammurabi introduced divorce. Then, through the Mosaic law, God provides God's way to go about the divorce process.
Obviously, God does not want couples to divorce because Malachi 2:16 says God hates divorce. It is not the solution to relationship pain. But God gave it as an option, "...because of the hardness of your hearts..." (Matthew 19:8). And, in no way is GR8 Relationships in favor of divorce even though it is an option. People confuse the message and truth about divorce and say we are okay with divorce - WE AREN'T. This topic, like freedom, is easily misunderstood and misused.
Divorce in situations with sexual immorality is also taught incorrectly. Some think and teach that divorce is required when there is adultery. But that is a wrong application of what Jesus said in Matthew 19:9.
In those situations, divorce is an OPTION, a bad one, when that happens. It is SO MUCH BETTER to work through it rather than trust a hard heart. Louie and I are proof that the power of God redeems and restores marriage through those times.
Yes, God permits divorce, but it most often shows where your heart is - on yourself, not on what God wants. His original plan is to stay together. Don't be like the Israelites in Ezekiel's day - "So they come to you as people do, they sit before you as My people, and they hear your words, but they do not do them; for with their mouth they show much love, but their hearts pursue their own gain." (Ezekiel 33:31)
So, when you are in relationship pain, and you say YES but they say NO, what is the key message you need to hear? God asks you to do what is right no matter what others do.
Your relationships may be painful right now, even to the point you do not want to be around them. But God still wants you to say YES and work it out!
In those situations, your relationship pain increases your pressure to ignore God's perfect ways. Please listen to what God wants. Remember, when you face your judgment day before Christ, He will judge you according to what HE asked of you. At that time, it has nothing to do with whether THEY say YES to the relationship right now, but it has everything to do with whether YOU say YES to the relationship! Embrace the pain, and do what God asks you to do. It is time to DO and not just HEAR.
PURSUING THEIR BEST - Freedom in Relationships