Different by DESIGN not by Decision! | GR8 Relationships

Different by DESIGN not by Decision!

God's Design Is Clear

God designed men and women for a complimentary relationship. Unfortunately, Satan uses the differences to create conflict and arguments about who is better.

Worse, Satan distorts the idea that the design of men and women is not "wired in", instead it is based on some personal decision based on how you feel.

Satan is the father of confusion and has no desire to promote the simplicity of God's creation design of men and women. He wants you to live in the surreal world of subjectivity rather than objectivity. While the research 

"So, God created man in His own image; in the image of God he created him; male and female He created them." - Genesis 1:27

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article in the The New Atlantis that is linked below is helpful toward objectivity in the identity discussion, it ultimately falls short of the clear truth in God's Word.

Hormones Are Clear

The differences are easily shown just by looking at the basic hormones of men and women. The following list is not meant to be exhaustive, just an illustration of differences.

Words Associated with...


  • Aggressive
  • Risk Taking
  • Assertive
  • Rough
  • Powerful
  • Doing
  • Leader
  • Interest outside home
  • Career Oriented
  • Hard Touch
  • Separate
  • Impersonal & Logical
  • Independent
  • Intimidating

...Estrogen - Progesterone

  • Cautious
  • Risk Averse
  • Responsive
  • Soft
  • Relational
  • Being
  • Helper
  • Interest inside home
  • Home Oriented
  • Soft Touch
  • Belonging
  • Gentle & Merciful
  • Dependent
  • Approachable

It is also important to note that research shows men's basic need is to be significant and respected - for women, the basic need is to be safe, secure and loved. Consider those statements in association with the information that God provides in Ephesians 5:22-31. Notice any similarity to the needs and the hormone lists?

Of course, some men may not identify with each word in the left column and some woman may not identify with each word on the right. That points to an important issue. There is a DESIGN element and a DEVELOPMENT element with each individual.

Maybe a silly example, but consider a butter knife. The DESIGN of that butter knife is to spread butter or similar items. Can it be used for other things like a steak knife, flat head screw driver, or even a hammer? Sure, but that is not what it was DESIGNED to do and it would not do those things well. To do them better, its design would need to be altered.

Applying that idea to a human capable of decisions would be like the butter knife "deciding" to become something different. That decision does not change the DESIGN - it is just in a difficult place of not wanting to be the way it is designed. At that point other decisions are needed. It could try to override the design through DEVELOPING different actions - acting more like a hammer, becoming convinced that it is a hammer, living like a hammer. Or, it could resort to deciding to go through the process of altering its DESIGN to be more like a hammer. 

Wouldn't it be easier to simply live in the reality that it is a butter knife?

Research Is Getting Better

There are numerous research studies and books that verify the differences, but it is not politically correct to actually talk about how different men are from women. The studies of the differences are downplayed if not hidden.

An interesting book is Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men & Women written by Anne Moir and David Jessel in 1992. It is not stated as exhaustive research, but is good information about basic differences. And, not accepting the differences will create real problems for you and your relationships.

While this is anecdotal, not research, I have found that working to the design of men and women works best. For example, when I work with women executives I want them to understand their best leadership will come through their amazing ability to relate rather than be powerful. Trying to be powerful will make them be more like a man, which will work against them, turning them into the "B" word. So, with them I want them to move back into their design rather than try to develop something outside their design.

For many men, there is so much focus on being relational, that it assumes that the use of power is mostly destructive. But, power can be constructive as well as destructive. For example, nuclear power can be constructive (nuclear electric generating plant) or destructive​ (bomb). The same is true of the power of testosterone. 

Men like women can learn how to operate in their design and see that it is not only more productive for them, but it also reduces stress and tension.

Just to remind us again -

PS: An important article in a blog on the Daily Signal titled "Almost Everything the Media Tell You About Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Is Wrong" from The New Atlantis is worth reading. It isn't about the differences between men and women, but it is about decisions on identity. It doesn't support the clear designs that God has ordained, but they do provide 4 good conclusions that are in the right direction:

  • ...people are ‘born that way’—is not supported by scientific evidence
  • ...a person might be a "man trapped in a woman’s body" or "a woman trapped in a man’s body" - is not supported by scientific evidence
  • Only a minority of children who express gender-atypical thoughts or behavior will continue to do so into adolescence or adulthood. There is no evidence that all such children should be encouraged to become transgender, much less subjected to hormone treatments or surgery
  • Non-heterosexual and transgender people have higher rates of mental health problems (anxiety, depression, suicide), as well as behavioral and social problems (substance abuse, intimate partner violence), than the general population.

The research study does not support that homosexuality or heterosexuality is biological and does not support that it is a decision either - they state it is "complex". Interesting - not sure how many other options there are. They did state that there is a developmental issue related to sexual abuse as a child.)

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