The PROBLEM In Every Relationship
What happens to your relationships when you act like a BABY! Well, that is what we call the PROBLEM in every relationship. In fact, the PROBLEM creates unnecessary, but inevitable suffering in relationships. Why? Because the biggest, most common relationship problem is - "you make everything about ME!"
Some people don't believe that they do that. But when going through the "2 Circles" exercise, they discover the truth. For most people, self-discovery is much more difficult to deny.
The PROBLEM in every relationship tends to drive you into the "left circle". If you want to see which circle you tend to be in, watch "The Two Circles of Life" after you sign up for the FREE course - click HERE or the button below to sign up.
While babies are wonderful gifts from God, they can be very demanding, right? While they do not know enough to manipulate you, they are focused on their appetites, impulses and pleasures. Then, if they get what they want, they tend to be happy and, if not, prepare yourself for some crying!
Unfortunately, there are too many grown ups that are "babies". And, too often, you are one of them, just like I am. You become a BABY when you believe or act like it is everyone else's JOB to make you happy (Left Circle). That creates a problem in every relationship you have.
Babies flash their ME, just like putting a ME on the forehead of the baby in the picture. What's really bad, it is difficult for you to see your flashing ME. On the other hand, it is very easy for others to see it.
There are so many ways that you flash your ME - defensiveness, self-indulgence, self-esteem, impatience, rudeness, seeking revenge, and many more.
It is so easy because you have built in "wants". You want to be accepted, included, significant, valuable, secure, safe, satisfied. AND, when you fear those wants will not be satisfied, your ME starts flashing. You become just like a little baby. You give everyone around you a job to do - "make me happy" or at least, "do not make me unhappy".
What you forget is that none of those built in wants can be fulfilled apart from an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. No one can fulfill those wants except temporarily, but Jesus can fulfill them completely.
Don't Want To Be A Baby?
Since having your ME flash is common, it will take a deliberate choice to act differently. That choice can be made and maintained only by the Holy Spirit energizing your life. It is impossible for the sin nature to choose against itself.
Anytime you are irritable, discontent, discouraged, depressed, or angry, ask yourself the simple question, “Am I making this about me right now?” Or ask yourself, “Is my ME flashing?” If you use the second question, think about going to a mirror to see your ME flashing on your forehead! Keep that picture as an example of becoming objective about your behavior.
That’s no longer an experiment for me. By using the first question and now the second one, I have documented for myself how self-absorbed I am. In fact, since 2001 I have been asking that question and I have not yet found a time that I could honestly answer, “No.” I may have more selfishness in me than you, but everyone has too much. More than likely your experiment will reveal similar results.
A Better Question
Based on my experience and because of our tendency to not be objective, here’s a better question to ask when you have heightened negative emotions (HNE’s) –
“How am I making this about ME right now?”
…or “How bright is my ME flashing right now?”
That makes a valid assumption that you are most likely making everything about yourself right now. So, just start looking for “how” you are doing it this time!
Some other questions you could use:
- - Am I defensive, taking things personally?
- - Is my ME flashing right now?
When I notice my HNE’s, that has been the best reliable, all-purpose tool for me. Without exception, whenever I have been disappointed, discouraged, anxious, irritable, angry – those are the times that are most likely to be or become a “Flashing ME” episode. Those HNE’s will likely be a great signal for your “ME” times also.
Being a “Baby” is THE PROBLEM for all relationships. AND, based on God’s Word, is a very serious problem. Please memorize the following verse, because it is so important to remind yourself about how damaging the problem is for you and others.
For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. – James 3:16
Another excellent verse is…
So they come to you as people do, they sit before you as My people, and they hear your words, but they do not do them; for with their mouth they show much love, but their hearts pursue their own gain. – Ezekiel 33:31
What's your choice - trust God and pursue the best for others or be a BABY?
GR8 Relationships—Pursuing the BEST in work, in life, in love.
Right Thinking—Right Relationships—Right NOW!!