The woman’s judgment leads her to misuse her God-given relational ability to meet her own needs rather than others’. God’s design of women gave them a unique ability to help, nurture, and support others. And unfortunately, that excellent design is impacted by the judgment that God initiated when Adam and Eve sinned (Genesis 3:16). God’s ordained judgment creates significant problems for a woman and her relationships, especially in the family. And the man’s judgment creates substantial difficulties for him, his work, and his marriage.

The woman’s judgment focuses her attention on meeting her relational needs rather than on using her design to help, nurture, and support others. So, she makes “everything about ME,” specifically in her relationships. On the other hand, man makes “everything about ME” based on his work and activities.

To the woman, He said: "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in pain your shall bring forth children; your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." – Genesis 3:16

Her Relationships Aren’t Satisfying

The woman’s judgment ultimately fuels her sin nature (the PROBLEM). The structure of the judgment is as shown in the graph below.

The image below illustrates how her judgment often works. Starting with her current reality (HERE), things aren’t going the way she desires. So, she is dissatisfied. And, the more she lives in that thinking and does not trust God to use her current circumstances to grow and develop her, the more she trusts herself. With that thinking, she focuses on her needs - remember, “Where you look, you tend to go.” Therefore, her THERE helps create a PATH of actions like those shown.

Structure Drives Control of Relationships

The judgment structure works because structure demands behavior. However, she runs into a major problem because that structure demands DEPENDENCE on her children’s and husband’s behavior. They must appreciate her and relate to her - her way.

Why is that a problem? Because you cannot control anyone but yourself. Yes, you may control (manipulate or dominate) for some time, but rebellion enters the picture when others sense they are being controlled. You can control some of their physical environment, but you cannot control the freedom in their mind.

A woman in that situation becomes dependent on others doing a “job” for her. She thinks her children and husband “should, ought, or must” be how she wants them. Otherwise, she will not achieve her desired end result—Fulfilling Relationships. And that leads to SAFETY and SECURITY in her mind—her primary need!

Structure Creates Frustration

The structure works—temporarily! The THERE and the HERE become the same because the actions can and will work. The energy to pull the HERE to the THERE is resolved, and there is no more tension.

But, since the judgment is still in place AND she does not pursue relationships God’s way, the structure is re-established. Her children and husband will not always do their “job.” They will not always make her happy or do what she wants. So, the THERE and HERE separate again, tension is re-established, and the path of actions is again in place.

The image in the video above does not capture the frustration that arises in the woman’s judgment. When she achieves THERE, it is only temporary. This results in a pattern of oscillation. Sometimes her relationships with her children and her husband fulfill her; sometimes they don’t.

Like the candy bar ad from the past, “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.”

Her desire for satisfying relationships leads her to make selfless efforts within them. That effort illustrates God’s design of a woman.

Unfortunately, her sin nature rears its ugly head and cries, “What about ME?” Inevitably, apart from trusting in a PERFECT God, she feels dissatisfied and unappreciated, which may be real. But even if there is no evidence that she is not appreciated, her sin nature convinces her that she deserves “more and better.” Now, her energy drives heightened expectations of appreciation from her husband and children for her work and effort.

Oscillation Drives Good and Bad Behavior

With that attitude, she slides down the slippery slope into the “swirling sucking vortex of despair.” Because her expectations are based on what should be happening or her ideal, she sets herself up to primarily see a lack of appreciation. Worse yet, the more she expects it from her children and husband, the more they sense her trying to control them, and without the energy and grace of God, they will begrudge appreciation or rebel and refuse.

Consequently, her sin nature focuses more on getting her own needs met and often pursues relationships that do fulfill her for the moment. Even though it may oppose her values, she can quickly justify inappropriate relationships because “after all, I deserve it.”

All this occurs because of the combination of the PROBLEM and the Judgments!