ME Thoughts – Are They Always Bad? | GR8 Relationships

ME Thoughts – Are They Always Bad?

Self-controlled or self-absorbed? Which one is it?! If you are sensitive at all to the Holy Spirit, you will know which. AND, my speculation is 95% or more of the time, ME thoughts about are self-absorbed. (That's based on personal experience and I admit that I am probably more self-absorbed than you.)

The simple rule then, most of the time your ME thoughts are self-absorbed not self-controlled. Most likely, seldom are your ME thoughts about examining yourself to determine if your actions, thoughts or feelings are righteous or unrighteous. (1 Cor. 11:28, 2 Cor. 13:5, Gal. 6:4).

ME Thoughts

If you love Me, keep My commandments. – John 14:15

Self-absorbed or Self-controlled?

How can you know for sure whether you are self-absorbed or self-controlled? The answer is stated clearly in Matthew 22:37-39, Mark 12:30, or Luke 10:27. Here is the essence of Matthew 22:37,39.

You shall love the Lord your God... 

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. – Matthew 22:37,39

If you use those verses, the guideline becomes—

When your "me" thoughts do NOT interfere with...

  1. OBEYING God and
  2. LOVING (pursuing the best for) others

...then your "me" thoughts, actions or feelings are okay or acceptable to God.

Notice it does NOT say "loving God", why? Because "obeying" is clearer criteria for us. If I asked you, "Do you love God?" it would be easy for you to answer, "Yes". But, if I ask, "Are you obeying God right now?" your mind has more specific information to consider. You can assess what you know God has asked you to do and not do, then objectively answer.

More importantly look at John 14:15—

If you love Me, keep My commandments. – John 14:15

Your love of God is clearly demonstrated in whether you obey Him or not.

So, you are self-controlled (or self-examined) when your "ME" thoughts, actions and feelings align with God's Word.

Testing the Guideline

Let's test the guideline with this question, "Is asking for help okay or is it a ME flashing moment?"

Some people struggle with asking for help, because it requires ME thought when you think about getting help. But is it always a ME thoughts moment? What if you are suffering right now and think that you can't ask for help, because see that as self-absorbed?

Use the guideline. Ask yourself, "Will asking for help interfere with me obeying God or pursuing the best for others?"

Is it OBEYING God?

The primary interference would be God says we are to trust Him to provide for us (Matthew 6:33). So, is your asking for help not obeying God? It all depends on your thoughts about the answer you get from them when you ask.

If you are okay or, better yet, content with the answer you get, whether they help or not, then you are more likely trusting that God will provide. That would be obeying God. You would likely be asking in faith without judging people if they didn't help.


First, if you focus on what others should be doing, it most often turns into being judgmental. Any thoughts like, "They should be helping me, but they are too selfish!" are signs that your bad ME thoughts have taken over. That thinking has NO benefit for your growth and change. And, it violates the second part of the guideline - pursuing another person's best.

When you love someone, pursuing their best does not require that they make any changes in their life or behavior - and it certainly means it is okay if they do or don't help you. You don't have expectations or requirements of them, you only focus on God's "expectations" of you. You can obviously want them to help, but when they don't, it does not change your thinking or behavior toward them.

Second, you may NOT be pursuing their best if you DON'T ask. Why? Because God may want them to grow by helping you.

So, the key element is if you are content with their answer.

You most likely are OBEYING God, trusting that He knows and will do what is best for you. And, you are pursuing their best, practicing freedom, not "requiring" anything of them.

Let me know your thoughts about this.