When you think about yourself (thoughts about ME), you tend to be self-absorbed - and that is seldom something good for you. I speculate that 95% or more of the time when you think about yourself, it is not self-examining how to be better. Most of the time, it is about how people are not treating you the way you want to be treated or circumstances and life are going the way you want.

While this isn't a contest, I am probably more self-absorbed than you. Even if that isn't true, as I observe my thinking through the years, thoughts about ME tend to rationalize my behavior instead of change my behavior.

Life is very different for me when I am self-controlled instead of self-absorbed.

If you love Me, keep My commandments. – John 14:15

Self-absorbed or Self-controlled?

Which one is it for you? If you are sensitive to the Holy Spirit, you know when your thoughts about ME are self-absorbed or not.

The study of my thinking helped me develop a simple question. Most of the time, when I am irritable, upset, angry, discouraged, disappointed, etc., I am self-absorbed, not self-controlled. Those times do not examine myself to determine if my actions, thoughts, or feelings are righteous or unrighteous (1 Cor. 11:28, 2 Cor. 13:5, Gal. 6:4). Instead, I am self-absorbed, trying to get my way. 

So, when that happens, I ask myself one question - "How am I making this about ME this time?" That makes a big difference in my life!

How about You

So, how can you know whether you are self-absorbed or self-controlled? The answer is clear in Matthew 22:37-39, Mark 12:30, or Luke 10:27. Here is the essence of Matthew 22:37,39.

You shall love the Lord your God … 

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. – Matthew 22:37,39

If you use those verses, the guideline is —

When your ME thoughts do NOT interfere with .…

1. OBEYING God and
2. LOVING (pursuing the best for) others

… then your ME thoughts, actions, or feelings are okay or acceptable to God.

Notice it does NOT say "loving God" why?

Because "obeying" is a more precise criterion. If I ask you, "Do you love God?" it would be easy for you to answer, "Yes." But, if I ask, "Are you obeying God right now?" your mind has more specific information to consider. You can assess what you know God has asked you to do and not do, then objectively answer.

More importantly, look at this:

If you love Me, keep My commandments. – John 14:15

Your love of God depends on whether you obey Him or not.

So, you are self-controlled (or self-examined) when your ME thoughts, actions, and feelings align with God's Word.

Test the Guideline

Let's test the guideline with this question, "Is asking for help okay, or is it a ME flashing moment?"

Some people do not ask for help because it requires ME thoughts when you think about getting help. But is it always a ME thoughts moment? What if you are suffering and think you can't ask for help because you believe it is self-absorbed?

Use the guideline. Ask yourself, "Will asking for help interfere with me obeying God or pursuing the best for others?"

Is it OBEYING God?

The primary difficulty would be God asks you to trust Him to provide for you (Matthew 6:33). So, if you ask for help, is that disobedience? It all depends on your thoughts about the answer you get from them when you ask.

If you are okay or, better yet, content with the answer you get, whether they help or not, you are more likely trusting that God will provide. That would be obedience to God. You would probably ask in faith without judging people if they didn't help.

Is it PURSUING THEIR BEST?

First, if you focus on what others should be doing, it most often turns into a judgmental attitude. Any thoughts like, "They should be helping me, but they are too selfish!" are signs that your thoughts about ME are self-absorbed. That thinking has NO benefit for your growth and change. And, it violates the second part of the guideline - pursuing another person's best.

When you love someone (pursue their best), it does not require that they make any changes in their life or behavior! And it certainly means it is okay if they do or don't help you. In other words, you don't have expectations or requirements of them; you only focus on God's "expectations" of you. You can obviously want them to help, but it does not change your thinking or behavior toward them when they don't.

Second, you may NOT be pursuing their best if you DON'T ask. Why? Because God may want them to grow by helping you.

So, the key element is if you are content with their answer. 

You are most likely OBEYING God, trusting He knows and will do what is best for you. And, you are pursuing their best, practicing freedom, not "requiring" anything of them.

Let me know your thoughts about this.

PURSUING THEIR BEST - Freedom in Relationships