Worry and Fret! They Will Never Change! | GR8 Relationships

Worry and Fret! They Will Never Change!

Freedom makes sense, but what if they continue with their bad values and bad behavior? It is hard to not to worry that worse things will happen.

Even if you recognize your controlling actions and attitude then stop, it can easily come back when you ask yourself those types of questions or questions like these.

  • But what if they never change?
  • What if they keep their poor values and bad behavior?
  • Aren't I supposed to help or make sure they change?
Worried

For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another – Galatians 5:13

Satan Wants You to Worry

Those questions beg you to worry and fear what the future will bring for them. The more you worry, the more probable you will resort to controlling behavior. Worry drives bad thinking that control is the only option available to you.

And, what makes you jump to control? You want the worry gone. You want peace and rest - to be happy. And, that thinking creates bad actions and bad behavior.

But only God knows the future.

Satan want you to worry and not trust in the PERFECT God. Fear and worry are key tools that Satan uses in life to drive us to bad thinking. He knows that when you trust your emotions, it most often comes from bad thinking about God.

But, God wants the opposite - trust Him, pursue the best for the person. God is PERFECT, worthy of trust to remove worry.

You want freedom from worry so you control to change their behavior. But that enslaves you. Only trusting God can free you from worry!

Freedom Does Not Give Up on Change

Please do not believe that freedom means you give up on them changing! Freedom just accepts reality – their change is not your job. That is God's job. And, whether they change or not, God want you to do your job - tell them the truth and love them - pursue their best, even if they don't change. Their change depends on God’s plan and their decision.

When you stop controlling, you can look at your own life. God is at work in you and wants you to grow through this experience. Maybe it is about patience or how to trust Him in these situations.

Yes, God may use you as an instrument to help them change, but do not mix up being the instrument versus the cause. In times of trial, you have a wonderful opportunity to embrace the pain instead of running from it. If you do that, you see what God wants to teach you through this situation! Remember, your responsibility is offer truth and do not nag them about the truth. Truth can defend itself.

Control Hurts Your Relationships

But, if you decide to control, beware, it will hurt your relationship and all relationships. For one thing, control truly or artificially limits a person’s options. Controlling behavior makes it difficult for people to see or make choices. When you try to control a person, you act as though they are not free to choose. You see them as a robot to be programmed to follow directions without any additional thoughts.

Think about when someone tries to control you. How do you respond to that? Most likely, you don’t like it and want away from the control, right? Control encourages rebellion and encourages both of you to live in the Left Circle. You live in the Left Circle, because you want them to change – they live the Left Circle, because they want you to change! The control boomerang is at work.

When you see or feel your freedom being removed it most often results in fear, defensiveness, and even anger. You may aggressively push back or sink into passivity, agreeing with them that you actually had no choice. Either way, the relationship is impacted negatively and you do not want to be around that person.

Freedom or Worry?

So, to review, you most likely know freedom is the best way to go. But, you worry about them not changing. Control is NOT the best path, it is time to trust God.

Are other people really free? Yes, the reality is they actually are, but your actions will demonstrate whether you firmly grasp that truth.

You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative and independence.  – Abraham Lincoln

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