REAL Relationships Don’t Wear “Masks”
...but too many relationships are based on the Actor Mistake - "wearing a mask". REAL relationships are GR8, because they are built with REAL people.
The Actor Mistake
Go to the self-help section of a bookstore and guess what you will find - books that promote the Actor Mistake.
Authors state relationship crippling advice like, “If you want to win their heart you need to be someone they want. So if they like football, but you don’t, it’s time to become football fan.”
If you are an “Actor”, you often believe that others will not like or accept you if you are just you. So, you develop an "Actor" persona or skill that masks who you are and presents what you want others to see instead.
And, it can be multiple masks, one here, another there, and a different one with those people. It takes a lot of energy to wear the masks, because you have to remember your different roles.
What is the problem?
Actors Don't Seek or Share the Truth
You may not be that type of Actor, but there are other simple ways that you become an Actor and not have real relationships.
When you “dance around” problems in a relationship, you act like everything's okay - BUT it isn't!
“We just don’t talk about that!”
Consider the implication of that statement - “I am free to lie, but I’m not free to share the truth”. Just reading this hopefully creates tension with your value of "...speaking the truth in love..."
"It takes 2 REAL people to have a REAL relationship" - Robert Fritz
When people are themselves and accept others as they are, that creates the best chance for REAL relationships - no manipulation, no masks.
Actors Learn to Lie
Finally, this is where all of us become Actors. Not telling the truth is easy because of our sin nature works against real relationships, and it becomes even easier to be an Actor when others don’t want to hear the truth.
You can be taught to lie or teach others to lie in 3 simple steps. If you want to teach someone to lie -
- Ask them a simple question like, “Do I look good in these clothes?”
- If they do not give you the right answer, show anger, disgust, pain, anguish or any similar emotion to let them know the answer was WRONG
- Ask another similar question to see if they have learned how to "lie" to you.
It’s the stereotypical situation where the wife asks her husband, “Honey, do these pants make me look fat?” Typically, that drives him to put on his mask – he has been taught to lie, because he does not want to experience the pain of sharing the truth.
It's like a friend of mine after he decided to tell his wife the truth about some of her behavior. He told her and reported back to me saying, “I checked the claws on that cat and I’m not going back there again.”
Please, don't be an ACTOR. REAL relationships are available to you through the strength of Christ who designed you. He wants you to be the channel of His living water to show Himself through YOU to the world. How much better could it be - REAL relationships based on Jesus Himself!
...but speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head - Christ - -Ephesians 4:15
GR8 Relationships—Pursuing the BEST in work, in life, in love.
Right Thinking—Right Relationships—Right NOW!!