Man's judgment focuses his attention on work and activities leading him to abdicate leadership in the home and trying to control his work. Most of what we said about the woman's judgment happens for the man, but it doesn't look anything like what happens with a woman. The pattern is similar for the man's judgment, but it is different.
A man wants fulfilling work and activities, because that fulfills his design. Yes, relationships are part of his life, but those come in second to work and activities.
Both men and women “make everything about ME”, that is the same. But, the design of man and woman along with their judgments make the actions and pain very different. A woman “makes it about ME” when she tries to control the relationships. A man “makes it about ME” when he tries to control work and activities.
Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’: Cursed is the ground for your sake; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life. Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, and you shall eat the herb of the field. In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for dust you are, and to dust you shall return.” – Genesis 3:17-19
His Work Isn't Fulfilling or Satisfying
Man's judgment ultimately drives him to act according to his sin nature (the PROBLEM). The basic judgment structure is in the graph below.
His judgment focuses attention on himself and ignores using his design for providing, protecting and preserving. So, it becomes “all about ME” so that he can get his way.
Structure Drives Him To Control Work
Look at the graph above. The current reality for a man is things aren’t going the way he wants. The more he is dissatisfied with that reality, does not trust God to use his current circumstances to grow and develop him, then he will trust himself. That puts his focus on getting his needs met his way. His THERE becomes the elements of his judgment which drive a PATH of actions like those shown.
The actions are effective, but he immediately or eventually runs into a big problem! His structure demands DEPENDENCE on his work and activities (and his wife changing) to appreciate him, provide fulfillment and significance.
When a man’s judgment drives him, he becomes dependent upon work and activities doing a “job” for him. It “should, ought, or must” be the way he wants, otherwise, he will not achieve his desired end result – Fulfilling Work and Activities – which leads to SIGNIFICANCE!
Structure Creates Frustration
You can see that the structure works – temporarily! The THERE and the HERE become the same, because the actions work. The energy to pull the HERE to the THERE resolves and there is no more tension.
BUT, since the man's judgment is still in place AND, he is not pursuing work and activities God’s way, the structure re-establishes itself. Work and activities stop doing their “job” of making him happy, doing what he wants, so the THERE and HERE separate and the tension is re-established.
The oscillation for the man's judgment is different from what you saw for the woman.
The tension of desiring satisfying work and activities, respect and significance, especially from the family is built into a man. The same is true with his desire for physical oneness with his wife, which is different from the emotional oneness that a wife desires with her husband.
All of those desires are a good illustration of operating in a man’s God-given design.
Unfortunately, the sin nature rears its ugly head and cries, “What about ME?” Inevitably, when he does not trust in a PERFECT God, he sees any response as less than adequate which results in feeling unappreciated. His feeling may have reality backing it, but even if there is no evidence, his sin nature convinces him that he deserves better treatment. His energy now drives heightened expectations of appreciation from work, activities, and even his wife and children for all of what he is doing for them.
Oscillation Drives Good and Bad Behavior
Man's judgment drives him into an oscillating pattern. He slides down the slippery slope into the “swirling sucking vortex of despair”. Since the expectations focus on what should be happening or his ideal, he sets himself up to primarily see a lack of appreciation. Worse yet, the more he expects it from his work (co-worker, boss, etc.), children and wife, they sense his control (manipulation or domination) and, without the energy and grace of God, provide reluctant response or they rebel and refuse.
Consequently, his sin nature focuses more on getting his own needs met and often pursues work and activities, and relationships that do respond to him. Inappropriate relationships can easily be justified in the name of feeling significant.
With all of that said, you may wonder about a guy who doesn’t work. What about him? What about an irresponsible man, even homeless man? Is he somehow immune to the Judgment?
Those are some great questions that can be asked about women also. What about the woman who leaves her kids and husband? What about the woman who is only work oriented?
All of this is occurring, because of the combination of the PROBLEM and the Judgments!
GR8 Relationships—Pursuing the BEST in work, in life, in love.
Right Thinking—Right Relationships—Right NOW!!