REAL Housewives

REAL housewives are not what you see on TV. God's Word clearly esteems mothers and women who focus their attention on the home. This does not mean that a woman who works outside the home displeases God. The issue is more an attitude of the heart rather than a choice between work or home. The Proverbs 31 wife was doing work outside the home, but her focus was primarily on the home, husband, and family.

God’s Desire for Young Women

If you consider yourself a “young woman,” God wants you to focus on the inside, yourself, and your home. Using the earlier metric about teaching, you consider yourself “young” if you decide not to teach other women. Of course, that is arbitrary, but it can be a helpful distinction if you are trying to decide. Most likely, you know which category you are in based on what God states in this passage.

As a younger woman, you are hopefully developing internal values which will grow into consistently good actions. God provides the model to help this happen when He asks you to look at, listen to, and learn from older women who have great values.

Develop your inside, your heart, first with these three words or virtues in mind – Loving, Virtuous, and Submissive. As a young woman, typically, God asks you to focus those virtues on your home.


Here in Titus 2, you will find the Greek word used for the woman’s love for her husband is not the same as the Greek word used in Ephesians 5:25 for the husband’s love for the wife. The husband is to agapaō, to love as Christ loves His Bride, the Church. That love is unconditional, sacrificial, purifying, nourishing, cherishing, singular, and visionary. In Titus 2, the wife is asked to philos which means to love as a friend, associate, or companion. The word is combined with two different suffixes to tell who you are asked to love:

  • philoandros means lover of husband and
  • philoteknos means lover of children.

Yes, ultimately, God asks all of us to agapaō in 1 Corinthians 13, but I see this as another important message from our Perfect Father God.

The difference between agapaō and philos fits perfectly with the different designs of men and women and how God asks each to use their designs. The man’s design for work and activities fits a powerful, working, and challenging love. God calls his testosterone to take on the challenge of an unconditional, sacrificing love that fits his role as leader – provider, protector, and preserver.

Your design and role, on the other hand, fit a friendship and companion love. You are designed to be a companion “helper comparable” or suitable for a man. This love fits your God-given role as helper, follower, and supporter. A man loves best through his Powerful design; the woman loves best through her Belonging or Relating design.

I think that is quite like our PERFECT Father God! He fits everything together, and it all works seamlessly and beautifully. But it does not work unless we pay attention to what He tells us to do.


The second trait of godly younger women is often ignored, because there is so much influence from the world that says this makes no sense. God asks you as a young woman to be virtuous. It means being discreet, pure, and good.

Virtuous – Discreet / Sensible

Definitions for the word discreet:

  • Greek – “Curbing one’s desires and impulses, sensible, in one’s senses, sound mind”
  • English – “Good judgment in conduct, especially speech”

Both definitions imply discernment, discipline, clear thinking, prudence, and sense. You cannot do that without a foundation in God’s Word and consistently following of the Spirit of God.

When you have discretion, you have right and careful thinking. When you are careless and impulsive in your thinking, the result is usually inappropriate words, actions, and relationship pain. Instead of impulsive thinking, God asks you to curb your impulses and desires, especially in your words, but also your actions.

Discretion does not slander or malign others – notice this link back to the “older” woman – “not slanderers”. Virtuous does not speculate on other’s actions, words, or emotions and you do not pursue control (manipulate or dominate).

According to God, discretion is another protection for you.

Discretion will preserve you; understanding will keep you, to deliver you from the way of evil, from the man who speaks perverse things. – Proverbs 2:11-12

Discretion, discernment, and good thinking build a barrier against things that defile and make you impure. They are bricks of a strong fortress, keeping out the monsters of “perverse things” and deception.

When you are discreet with your words and action you do not give in to your Flashing ME, even though it is always ready to flash.

Virtuous – Pure

Again, the Greek and English definitions:

  • Greek – pure from carnality, chaste, modest; pure from every fault, immaculate; clean
  • English – unmixed, without dirt or stain, free from harshness or roughness, not polluted or weakened, no moral fault, chaste

What a powerful, impactful word! Pristine in its purpose and intent.

You are like the Bride of Christ, who is described to be “without spot or blemish.” What a great picture of “pure.” While this is your responsibility, it has a direct tie to the husband’s role to be helping you – God asks him to have a purifying love for you in Ephesians 5. The husband helps “purify” his wife with the Word of God, which implies that the process works when the wife accepts and applies the Word of God that is offered.

God specifically tells you here in Titus 2 that purity is what He asks and wants even if your husband is not doing what God asks him to do for you.

How about choosing purity as a description of you and your life!

Virtuous - Good

Once again, two definitions:

  • Greek – of good constitution or nature; pleasant, agreeable, joyful, happy; excellent, distinguished; upright, honorable
  • English – of favorable character or tendency, suitable, agreeable, pleasant, virtuous, kind, benevolent

“Good” does not seem to be something that would be difficult. When I think of “good,” it is like trying not to fail a test.

But, when you see the above definitions, well, that is different. It is like Dorcas in Acts 9:36, who “…was full of good works and charitable deeds…” And it goes far beyond words and deeds into attitudes – pleasant, agreeable, joyful, and even excellent, which are typically the more difficult areas for anyone.

It might be helpful to state what “good” is not – not sullen, bitter, troublesome, quarrelsome, worrying, or fretting. Does that help?

When you are “good,” it shows up when the kids are crying, whining, and fighting, when your husband is not helping, when your friends are gossiping, or when things just are not going your way. When you are not good, your tendency is to react. When you react in those situations, it seldom is good – pleasant, agreeable, joyful, happy.

But when you operate out of your “good” values, choosing to be good, not being controlled by life, circumstances, and people, you are living as God wants, so good shows up. You find you can be pleasant, agreeable, and joyful anyway!

Recognizing you have a choice to trust God or not is the first step toward good. This is true of all your values. Not seeing a choice drives reacting and responding, which most often results in selfishness, not godliness.

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