If you are wondering whether unforgiveness is a sin, you have probably been deeply hurt, perhaps betrayed by someone you trusted, abandoned by someone you loved, or unjustly treated by someone who should have known better.

Your pain is real, and the memory of what happened continues to sting whenever it surfaces. Now you face a difficult question: must you forgive them? And if you don't, are you sinning?

Many Christians struggle with forgiveness, especially when the offense seems unforgivable or when the offender shows no remorse. Yet Scripture speaks with surprising clarity about whether unforgiveness constitutes sin and what happens when we refuse to forgive. Understanding this biblical perspective can lead to freedom that might otherwise seem impossible.

Biblical Evidence That Unforgiveness Is Sin

The Bible leaves little room for debate about whether unforgiveness is sinful. Throughout Scripture, God repeatedly commands forgiveness and portrays unforgiveness as disobedience to His will.

Direct Statements from Jesus

The most compelling evidence comes from Jesus Himself. In Matthew 6:14-15, as part of the Lord's Prayer teaching, Jesus declares:

"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

This passage doesn't merely suggest forgiveness as a good idea—it establishes it as a requirement with serious spiritual consequences. Jesus reinforces this teaching in Mark 11:25-26:

"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses."

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

Perhaps the most vivid illustration of God's view of unforgiveness comes from Jesus' parable in Matthew 18:21-35. When Peter asked how often he should forgive someone who sins against him, Jesus told the story of a servant forgiven an enormous debt who then refused to forgive a fellow servant a much smaller debt.

The master's response was swift and severe: "You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?" The unforgiving servant was then delivered to "the torturers" until he could pay his debt.

Jesus concludes with this sobering application: "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

The Sin of Omission

James 4:17 provides another angle from which to understand unforgiveness as sin: "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin."

Since Scripture clearly establishes forgiveness as something "good" that believers should do, knowingly refusing to forgive falls under this definition of sin.

The Connection to Other Sins

Ephesians 4:31-32 reveals that unforgiveness is connected to other attitudes and behaviors God identifies as sinful:

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

In this passage, unforgiveness appears alongside bitterness, wrath, and malice—attitudes clearly identified as inconsistent with Christian character. Colossians 3:13 similarly frames forgiveness as obedience to God's command: "bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do."

Why Unforgiveness Is Sinful: The Theological Foundation

Beyond the direct biblical statements, there are deeper theological reasons why unforgiveness constitutes sin.

Unforgiveness Rejects God's Example and Command

God has established Himself as the ultimate model of forgiveness. Through Christ's sacrificial death, God offers forgiveness for sins that infinitely outweigh any offense we could suffer at the hands of others. When we refuse to forgive, we reject both God's example and His explicit command.

1 John 2:6 reminds us, "He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked." Since forgiveness is central to Christ's character and mission, refusing to forgive means refusing to follow Christ's example.

Unforgiveness Demonstrates Ingratitude for God's Forgiveness

The parable of the unforgiving servant reveals that refusing to forgive others demonstrates ingratitude for the immeasurably greater forgiveness we've received from God. Our debt to God for our sin is far greater than any debt others could owe us for their offenses.

As Jesus taught, we are to pray, "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors" (Matthew 6:12). When we refuse to forgive, we essentially ask God to treat us differently than we treat others—a position rooted in pride and inconsistency.

Unforgiveness Is Linked to Pride and Self-Righteousness

At its core, unforgiveness often springs from pride—a belief that our standard of justice should prevail over God's command to forgive. It involves elevating our hurt feelings and desire for vindication above God's explicit instruction.

Proverbs 16:18 warns, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." By refusing to forgive, we place ourselves in the dangerous position of pride before God.

Unforgiveness Contradicts the Sacrificial Love Christians Are Called To Show

Jesus established a new standard of love for His followers: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another" (John 13:34). This love is sacrificial and extends even to enemies (Matthew 5:44).

Unforgiveness directly contradicts this command, replacing sacrificial love with bitterness and resentment.

Unforgiveness Is Trusting in Something Other Than God

When we refuse to forgive, we're essentially saying we don't trust God to handle justice properly. We're choosing to trust our sense of justice rather than God's promise that He will make all things right.

Romans 12:19 instructs, "Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." Unforgiveness attempts to usurp God's role as the perfect judge.

The Ripple Effect: How Unforgiveness Sin Affects Others

Sin never affects only the sinner. Unforgiveness creates a ripple effect that damages relationships far beyond the original offense.

The Spread of Bitterness to Others

Hebrews 12:15 warns: "Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled."

Bitterness from unforgiveness rarely stays contained. It spreads to others through our words, attitudes, and actions. A person harboring unforgiveness often shares their grievances with others, spreading the poison of bitterness to additional relationships.

How Unforgiveness Damages Family Systems

Families particularly suffer from the sin of unforgiveness. When a family member refuses to forgive, it creates tension that affects the entire family system. Children observe and internalize the unforgiveness modeled by parents, learning destructive patterns for their relationships.

Marriages can be destroyed by unforgiveness, as minor offenses accumulate into walls of resentment that eventually seem insurmountable. The intimate bond God designed for marriage cannot flourish in soil poisoned by unforgiveness.

The Generational Impact

Exodus 20:5 reveals a sobering truth: "For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me."

Research confirms what Scripture teaches—unresolved issues, including unforgiveness, pass from generation to generation. Children learn how to handle conflict and offense by watching their parents. When unforgiveness becomes the pattern, it creates a legacy of broken relationships that can span generations.

How Unforgiveness Hinders the Gospel Witness of Believers

Jesus said, "By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35). Unforgiveness directly undermines this key marker of Christian identity.

When non-believers observe Christians refusing to forgive one another, it damages the credibility of the gospel message. How can we effectively proclaim God's forgiveness in Christ when we refuse to forgive others?

The Severe Consequences of This Sin for the Unforgiving Person

Beyond its impact on others, unforgiveness exacts a devastating toll on the person refusing to forgive. God's commands are always for our good, and disobeying His call to forgive brings severe consequences.

Loss of a Walk with God - Spiritual Separation

If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? - 1 John 4:20

While unforgiveness doesn't revoke salvation for believers, it creates a barrier in fellowship with God. Jesus taught that our experience of God's forgiveness is linked to our willingness to forgive others (Matthew 6:15).

When we refuse to forgive, we position ourselves against God's will, making intimate communion with Him impossible. We may still be God's children, but we forfeit the joy of close fellowship with our Father.

Physical Health Impacts from Harboring Bitterness

Psalm 32:3-4 vividly describes the physical toll of unresolved sin, including unforgiveness: "When I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was turned into the drought of summer."

Medical research increasingly confirms the biblical connection between unforgiveness and physical health problems, including:

• Increased stress hormone production
• Elevated blood pressure
• Compromised immune function
• Muscle tension and chronic pain
• Sleep disturbances

The body was not designed to carry the toxic weight of bitterness and resentment.

Emotional Toll - Loss of Joy and Peace

Proverbs 15:17 observes, "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a fatted calf with hatred." Unforgiveness robs us of joy and peace, replacing them with bitterness that poisons every experience.

The emotional cost of unforgiveness includes:

• Persistent anger and irritability
• Anxiety about encountering the offender
• Intrusive thoughts about the offense
• Difficulty experiencing joy in other relationships
• Constant emotional exhaustion

As Robert G. Menzies wisely noted, "The greatest enemy to present joy and high hopes is the cultivation of retrospective bitterness."

Mental Bondage - Being Consumed by Thoughts of the Offense

Perhaps the most insidious consequence of unforgiveness is how it colonizes our mental landscape. When we refuse to forgive, we become:

Consumed with the offender - Our thoughts continually revolve around the person who hurt us, giving them rent-free space in our minds. We build a mental shrine to the offense, visiting it regularly to feed our resentment.

Controlled by the offender - The longer we harbor unforgiveness, the more power we give the offender over our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Our unforgiveness puts us in bondage to the very person who hurt us.

Conformed to be like the offender - What we focus on, we become like. By fixating on the offense and the offender, we often begin to adopt the very qualities we resent in them.

Social Costs - Damaged Relationships Beyond the Original Offense

Unforgiveness isolates us from others. We may become suspicious, seeing potential betrayal in every relationship. Others may begin to avoid us because of our bitterness or constant rehearsing of grievances.

Even relationships uninvolved in the original offense suffer, as our capacity for trust and vulnerability diminishes. The walls built to protect us from one person end up isolating us from all meaningful connections.

Future Impact - Passing Unresolved Issues to Children and Grandchildren

Exodus 20:5 warns about the generational consequences of sin: "For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me."

Our unforgiveness doesn't just affect us—it establishes patterns that influence our children and grandchildren. Research shows that unresolved issues pass from generation to generation through:

• Modeled behavior
• Family communication patterns
• Explicit and implicit family rules
• Emotional atmospheres in the home

Even if our children consciously reject our pattern of unforgiveness, they often struggle with its effects in their relationships.

God's Solution: The Path to Healing from Unforgiveness

God never identifies sin without providing a way of escape. His Word not only condemns unforgiveness but also offers a clear path to freedom through forgiveness.

Understanding What Forgiveness Truly Is (and Isn't)

Many people resist forgiveness because they misunderstand its meaning. Biblical forgiveness is:

• Canceling a debt someone legitimately owes you
• Releasing your right to get even
• Moving the past out of the present
• Making a choice, not necessarily feeling a certain way

Biblical forgiveness is NOT:

• Pardoning (removing all consequences)
• Forgetting (amnesia about what happened)
• Restoration or reunion (though these may eventually follow)
• Condoning or excusing the offense
• Denying that you were hurt

Forgiveness follows a straightforward seven-step process that you can read about here.

The Role of Confession in Seeking Freedom

While forgiving others is critical to our walk with the Lord, confessing our sin of unforgiveness is also essential.

1 John 1:9 promises, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Confessing unforgiveness to God is essential for restoring fellowship with Him.

This confession may involve:

• Acknowledging unforgiveness as sin, not just a natural response
• Admitting your inability to forgive in your own strength
• Asking for God's forgiveness and help

In some cases, seeking counsel from a trusted spiritual mentor can help facilitate this process of confession and healing.

The Power of Depending on God Rather Than Self

Forgiveness often seems impossible, especially for deep hurts. The good news is that God doesn't expect us to forgive in our strength.

Philippians 4:13 reminds us, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." This includes the seemingly impossible task of forgiving those who have deeply wounded us.

When we depend on God rather than ourselves, we tap into supernatural resources:

• Christ's example of forgiving us
• The power of the Holy Spirit working in us
• God's Word guiding us
• Support of the Christian community surrounding us

Moving from "React/Respond" to "Choose/Create"

Unforgiveness often keeps us in a reactive mode where past events and others' actions control us. God calls us to move from reacting to choosing—from being victims to being victors in Christ.

This shift involves:

• Accepting that the past is OVER
• Recognizing your freedom to choose your response
• Taking responsibility for your healing
• Creating a new future not defined by past hurts

When we shift from victim thinking to choice thinking, we move from the "Left Circle" to the "Right Circle" as described in GR8 Relationships' "Two Circles" concept. We stop being controlled by circumstances and start living in freedom.

Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness

While forgiveness is ultimately a supernatural work, there are practical steps we can take in cooperation with God's Spirit. The steps spell FORGAVE:

1. Face their humanity: They are imperfect just like you.
2. Overlook revenge: God is the only one who has the right to vengeance (Romans 12:19)
3. Renew your mind: Accept that God is using this situation for your best. Learn and remember the definition of forgiveness—"Never abusing them for the wrong they did to you - not in thought, word, or action."
4. Give it up: Stop holding on to the offense. It is time to let it go. Commit to forgive and move on.
5. Apply your decision: Memorialize your decision to remind yourself that you have forgiven. A simple memorial is to remember the date you forgave. This is critical for helping you heal in the future.
6. Verify your decision: The thoughts of the offense will return because Satan wants to enslave you with the past. Remind yourself of the date you forgave and claim 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 - "...bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Jesus Christ."
7. Enjoy healing: You can know that you have forgiven when you pray blessings and peace upon the person who harmed you.

When Forgiveness Seems Impossible: Hope for the Struggling

For some, the offense seems too grievous, the pain too deep, or the consequences too severe to forgive. If you find yourself in this position, take heart from biblical examples of seemingly impossible forgiveness.

Biblical Examples of Difficult Forgiveness

Joseph - After being sold into slavery by his brothers, Joseph had every human reason to seek revenge when they stood powerless before him years later. Instead, he chose forgiveness and reconciliation, recognizing God's sovereign hand even in his suffering (Genesis 50:15-21).

Jesus - In the ultimate act of forgiveness, Jesus prayed for those who crucified Him: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Luke 23:34). If Jesus could forgive His murderers while enduring the cross, no forgiveness is truly impossible.

The Role of the Holy Spirit in Empowering Forgiveness

Zechariah 4:6 reminds us, "'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the Lord of hosts." When forgiveness seems beyond your capacity, remember that God doesn't ask you to forgive in your strength.

The Holy Spirit works explicitly to:

• Soften your heart toward the offender
• Remind you of God's forgiveness toward you
• Provide supernatural strength when your natural resources are exhausted
• Heal the deep wounds that make forgiveness seem impossible

Forgiveness Can Be a Process Over Time

For significant hurts, forgiveness is rarely a one-and-done event. It often requires remembering steps 5, 6, and 7 above. Satan is dedicated to opening the wound again, but your reminder of your forgiveness and praying blessings on the person quiets the sinful thoughts he wants you to consider.

This process of forgiveness doesn't mean your initial decision wasn't genuine—it simply acknowledges the depth of human hurt and the ongoing work of relying on the perfection of God.

The Freedom That Comes Through Obedience Even When Feelings Don't Align

Many people wait to forgive until they feel like forgiving. This approach keeps them trapped in unforgiveness. Remember, your thoughts most often drive feelings. Your feelings are indicators of what you are allowing to rattle around in your mind.

Jesus calls us to obey, which is the best thinking because doing what He wants is always best for us. Additionally, it clarifies our obedience: "If you love Me, keep My commandments" (John 14:15). When we choose to forgive in obedience to God, even when our thoughts and emotions resist, we often discover that feelings eventually align with our choice.

This obedience first approach recognizes that:

• Thinking is the key, not your feelings
• Feelings are often untrustworthy and poor guides for life
• Great thinking accepts God's perfection and opens the door to His work in our lives

Testimony Examples of Healing Through Forgiveness

Corrie ten Boom's story offers perhaps the most powerful modern testimony to the possibility of seemingly impossible forgiveness. After surviving a Nazi concentration camp where her sister died, she later came face-to-face with one of the guards. Though her feelings rebelled, she extended her hand in forgiveness, experiencing God's love flowing through her as she obeyed.

"Forgiveness is an act of the will," she later wrote, "and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart."

Countless other believers have testified to the supernatural healing and freedom that came when they chose forgiveness despite every natural impulse to withhold it. Their stories remind us that no offense is beyond the reach of God-enabled forgiveness.

Conclusion

The biblical evidence is clear: unforgiveness is indeed sin. It contradicts God's commands, rejects His example, demonstrates ingratitude for His forgiveness, and produces devastating consequences in our lives and relationships.

Yet the same Bible that identifies unforgiveness as sin offers the liberating solution of forgiveness. Through Christ's power working in us, we can forgive even the seemingly unforgivable, finding freedom from the prison of bitterness and resentment.

If you're struggling with unforgiveness today, please take heart. God doesn't condemn you for your struggle—He offers a way through it. Begin by acknowledging unforgiveness as sin, confessing it to God, and asking for His supernatural help to forgive as He has forgiven you.

The past is over. Move on! Trust God to redeem your past. He knows what is best for you and is using this situation for your good and the good of others. Trust His PERFECTION! Doing it any other way will only create more problems.

As you choose forgiveness—even when it's difficult—you'll discover the truth of Jesus' words: "If the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed" (John 8:36).

FAQ: Common Questions About Unforgiveness as a Sin

Is unforgiveness a sin in the Bible?

Yes, unforgiveness is clearly identified as sin in Scripture. Matthew 6:15 shows Jesus stating that if we don't forgive others, our Father won't forgive our trespasses. The parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35 portrays unforgiveness as worthy of severe judgment. Ephesians 4:31-32 groups unforgiveness with other sins, such as bitterness and wrath, that believers must put away. James 4:17 confirms that knowing to forgive and refusing to do so is sin.

What are the consequences of unforgiveness according to the Bible?

The Bible reveals several consequences of unforgiveness: 1) Broken fellowship with God (1 John 4:20-21); 2) Physical and emotional distress (Psalm 32:3-4); 3) Spiritual bondage to bitterness (Hebrews 12:15); 4) Blocked prayers (Mark 11:25); 5) Being handed over to "tormentors" (Matthew 18:34-35), which may represent mental and emotional anguish; and 6) Generational impact on children and grandchildren (Exodus 20:5).

Can God forgive the sin of unforgiveness?

Yes, God can and will forgive the sin of unforgiveness when we confess it and repent. 1 John 1:9 assures us that "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." This includes the sin of unforgiveness. However, part of genuine repentance from unforgiveness involves extending forgiveness to those who have hurt us (Matthew 6:14-15).

What does the Bible verse "unforgiveness is like drinking poison" mean?

While this exact phrase isn't found in Scripture, it reflects biblical truth about unforgiveness harming the person who harbors unforgiveness. The concept aligns with biblical teachings that bitterness defiles many (Hebrews 12:15) and unforgiveness causes internal damage (Psalm 32:3-4). This popular saying captures the biblical truth that harboring unforgiveness primarily hurts the person refusing to forgive, much like drinking poison hoping to harm someone else.

How do I repent from the sin of unforgiveness?

Biblical repentance from unforgiveness involves: 1) Acknowledging unforgiveness as sin against God, not just a natural response to hurt; 2) Confessing this sin specifically to God (1 John 1:9); 3) Making a deliberate choice to cancel the debt you've been holding against the offender; 4) Depending on the Holy Spirit's power rather than your strength; and 5) Taking practical steps to wish the offender well rather than harm. This may be a process requiring ongoing surrender to God.