According to God, fifteen phrases help us understand what love is. It appears there are two essential elements of love. All fifteen are excellent and help you see the breadth of love, but these two seem to summarize the remaining elements.

God’s love, REAL LOVE, is unlike what the world calls love.  You could spend your entire life unpacking the biblical definition of love provided in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. While you may be familiar with the verses, they are far more critical than something to read at weddings or a framed needlepoint on the wall! This passage contains fifteen components of the SOLUTION, how to create and maintain excellent relationships, and the antidote to self-serving attitudes.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.

Some theologians think that the first two elements, suffering long and kindness, are the two essential elements of love, with the following thirteen classified under one or the other.

#1 – Love Suffers Long

How many people would sign up willingly to suffer long?

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.  – Colossians 3:12-13

Patience is a great word, but the older term “longsuffering” or “suffering long” provides a clearer picture.  The word "patience” might bring to mind waiting calmly in a line or not responding when someone has been rude to you. Those are good things to do. As Winston Churchill says, “By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.”

Thinking Long-Term

The pain suffered in those situations is usually temporary. Suffering long, however, speaks of months and years, not minutes and hours.

The first of the two essential elements of love is suffering long. It is like the marathon runner who trains with dedication and endurance. Or, how about the picture of a 70-year-old man who still prays for the salvation of his 45-year-old son? Maybe you have suffered long with years of difficulties with your husband or wife. Or can you see your spouse, friends, and relatives that have suffered long with you?

Love has an enormous capacity to be wronged time after time and not retaliate. When you love, you endure evil and injury without resentment, anger, or revenge. You put up with slights and neglect from the person you love. Wait and hope for the change in the other person rather than lashing out in resentment at their behavior. Hope for their best and not be fearful of the worst. You wait, for years if needed, without demands, agendas, or expectations. 

Not Acting Like a Martyr

Suffering long is not a martyr-like face with a bad attitude, grudgingly gritting your teeth. It is not even patiently taking the pain you rightfully deserve. Peter makes this clear:

For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: “Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth;” who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.  – 1 Peter 2:20-24

When you choose to suffer long, you reflect Christ by following His example! This involves pursuing their best, going the distance with them, and suffering long for them as Christ did for you.

God Is Your Power

If you want the two essential elements of love in your life, they only show up because of the life of Christ and the energy of the Holy Spirit in you. That gives you the power to suffer long, to not give in to angry passions that focus on protecting yourself or getting your way rather than serving others. When you suffer long, you realize that God rewards you for waiting patiently for His timing.

Peter tells us about the reward of longsuffering. It is the capstone and summary of Peter’s instructions to suffer long, whether the relationship is with unbelievers, governing authorities, masters/employers, or spouses:

Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. – 1 Peter 3:8-9

You will inherit blessings for suffering long! That means the sacrifice of suffering long becomes, in one sense, no sacrifice at all!

#2 – Love Is Kind

Most people value kindness, but its application is often lacking. Whether it is just a word or a value is determined by the time you practice it. You may say you value fitness but never work out. That means it is a synthetic value, not real, just words.

Kindness is the second of the two essential elements of love. It is huge in God’s economy. Consider the following:

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32

Kindness demonstrates graciousness toward others. You show them favor. See and seek opportunities to be helpful and do good for them. You give liberally, not expecting or requiring anything in return. You respect and show consideration for others.

New Testament usage focuses on four facets of kindness: friendliness, compassion, helpfulness, and forbearance. – Dr. Ralph F. Wilson

No wonder that kindness is used as one of the elements to describe love.

A Special Grace

Where suffering long is marked by the absence of anger under provocation, kindness is a special grace to go a step further and actively pursue the other person's good, even their best.

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. – James 3:17

The Old Testament often uses a word for kindness that is translated as mercy or lovingkindness. Those two words most often describe God’s actions toward the nation of Israel, ever generous and forbearing. In the same way, He invites you to have a heart of kindness that desires and works for the benefit of others.

Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
Kindness in another's trouble,
Courage in your own.

– Adam Lindsay Gordon