Self-Control Is Best: How to Increase It

Self-control is best and essential for everyone, but the world emphasizes self-esteem. What are some ways that self-control can be increased in our lives?

Obviously, walking in the Spirit is the key. Even so, below are five critical actions to help increase your self-governance and find that self-control is best.

Pursue the Best for Others

Self-absorption is the most significant danger to self-governance, which is the opposite of overcoming. There is no doubt that we are selfish, self-absorbed creatures. Any doubt about that is a sign of not paying attention to the reality of evil in the world. Your environment plays a part, but not as much as our built-in nature that “makes everything about ME.” You do not have to teach children to lie or be deceptive.

When you pursue the best for others, it fosters a service-oriented mindset, as opposed to one driven by self-gratification. Self-governance encourages overcoming and a WE, not ME attitude. Self-control is best for you and for others.

Focus on Your Next Step to THERE

Sometimes, the change you want will take a long time. And when your desired transformation is long-term, you may not have enough energy to sustain it. That is where milestones and clear short-term targets will help you focus your energy.

Also, review the fantastic Primary and Secondary Choices tool. When you refocus on shorter-term milestones, limit yourself to 1 to 3 tasks each day or week. That helps you achieve and enhance self-governance, one day at a time, or one step at a time.

Measure Your Progress

Even when focusing on the short-term, you still need to measure progress. Ensure that your long-term and short-term goals are measurable based on objective evidence, not subjective feelings. When you measure small, and measure often, you enhance the reality that self-control is best.,

When measuring, having an accountability partner or partners is always good. Self-governance wants feedback, which is valuable for self-examination if accepted as valid until proven otherwise.

Practice, Improve, Reward

There is a vast difference between self-esteem and self-governance. Self-esteem hurts you, and self-governance helps you. For secular research on the topic, read Chapter 9 in Roy Baumeister's book Willpower. If you want more information, read this blog—Self-love and Self-esteem - Good or Bad? or download this document "Satan Loves This - Do You?"

Self-esteem thinks well of self without verifiable evidence. Self-governance has proof about you and probably others. You can reward yourself when you achieve milestones or reach your goal. That can be a big help as you grow your self-governance. Ultimately, self-governance is mostly its own reward, which is another reason that self-control is best.

KEY ACTION—Pre-decide

As you read earlier, one of the best ways to enhance self-governance is to learn how NOT to use it. Use your self-governance wisely.

You are probably in less control of your life than you think. You may also think you can dabble in questionable things, and it will not hurt you. Most people believe that lie, which is why so many people end up addicted, divorced, or in prison.

How many men and women nowadays believe that a bit of porn will not hurt them? It is an epidemic affecting men worldwide. How about drugs and alcohol? Addicts did not say to themselves, “I want to be addicted to drugs; I am going to find some!” No, they believed a lie like, “It will not happen to me. I want to feel different than I do right now.”

A Simple Tool

You can eliminate many wrong choices when you pre-decide. That will help you stand back from the edge so you do not slide down the slippery slope.

James 1:14-15 (NKJV)—But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.

Pre-deciding is a simple tool. First, examine your weaknesses, temptations, and ungodly values. Second, decide now, before the event, what you will do when you are wandering in the wrong direction. Finally, create a simple action or plan to help you make the correct choice.

The best start for any plan is to memorize the following verses or at least the bolded portion.

1 Corinthians 10:4-5 (NKJV)—For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.

When the temptation begins to blossom, you ask Jesus to take those thoughts away and depend on His strength to follow your pre-decided plan. It can be decisions about minor things, like when you get up in the morning, or something as significant as monogamy.

Commit to the Specific Right Thing

Of course, you may say, “I will commit to doing the right thing, no matter what.” That may be true, but it will not be as powerful as committing to a specific “right thing.” For example, if you decide to be monogamous, what is your pre-decision about when you are with a person you are attracted to? You need clear guidelines to follow in that situation. Those guidelines become your first and, sometimes, last line of defense when tempted to violate your values.

Finally, Baumeister’s research showed that when people committed to what God or their “higher power” said, there was an increased probability of self-governance. Be sure about what God wants you to do and not do. That saves your self-governance for temptations that surprise you.

God’s Word provides what He wants us to do right now! The entire Bible helps you pre-decide. For example:

James 5:9 (NKJV)—Do not grumble against one another, brethren, lest you be condemned. Behold, the Judge is standing at the door!

God is the only authority and asks you to obey Him now. He does not tell you to think about this later in your life. He invites you to that behavior now. How about pre-deciding to pursue their best instead of complaining and grumbling about them? It is a great tool to enhance self-governance and demonstrate that self-control is best.

Escape the Consequences

God wants you to pre-decide to escape harmful consequences now and later. Whatever you do now will impact your eternity. Please choose life and righteousness.

Deuteronomy 30:19 (NKJV)—I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.

A similar passage in the New Testament is Romans 6:12-14 (NKJV):

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.

Self-control is best, as it helps you choose the abundant life rather than the “death life” (Romans 6:23).