Below are four excellent relationship quotes from Robert Fritz. Please check out his excellent books and work. It is well worth your time and investment.

No one owes you anything in a relationship.

Many relationship quotes promote the opposite of reality when it comes to connecting with people. What happens when you think someone owes you something in a relationship? It turns it into a “return on investment” (ROI) relationship. In this type of relationship, you may feel that if you put the effort in, they are required to return that “investment” with interest or treat you even better than you treated them. This can lead to a sense of entitlement and imbalance in the relationship.

If that does not happen, you can believe they “owe” you. You will make demands on them (try to remove their freedom) to be like you want them to be. Additional help on this topic is available in Course 8B; however, please keep this in mind for now. You are free to discuss their behavior with them, but remember that it is their choice whether to change or not.

Are you willing to be in the relationship even if they act that way? That is your choice. In a relationship, consider these five actions: hope, pray, encourage, and sometimes, exhort and rebuke, but it is never your “job” to make them change. That is their responsibility and God’s, not yours.

When you cannot be yourself in a relationship, the relationship will become intolerable. 

At first, that may not be a problem, but over time, there will be an urge to get away. If you are controlling them, they will want to get away from you, or if they are controlling you, you will wish to get away from them.

Inside all of us is the desire to be free; it was created in us by God. When that is stifled through manipulation, domination, or any other type of control, anyone will eventually want out. Even in the worst situations, the ember of freedom still glows and will take advantage of any opportunity to burn like a flame again. So, be careful about manipulating or dominating those around you. It can easily create a burning desire in them to be away from you! The opposite of what you probably want.

Relationships happen in reality, in real-time, with real people.

Effective relationships involve two people being authentic, spending time together, and resolving issues together, without wearing masks. That gives the relationship the best chance to work. No wonder spending time together and sharing the truth about facts and feelings can develop and nurture a relationship.

Dr. Marlin Howe referred to “touch, talk, and time” as critical elements for relationships, particularly marriage. His early request to those he counseled was to spend time together each morning. Following his advice, I received a significant catalyst for the restoration of my marriage to Louie. He asked us to spend a minimum of 30 minutes a day, five days a week, just talking to each other. He further asked if one of us was leaving the house to ask the other to go along.

And most importantly, he asked that we pray for each other at the end of our daily conversation time. That created a foundation for us to know, understand, and be honest with each other.

I have adapted the quote to be as follows.

It takes two real people, in real time, with real Godly values to have a real relationship.

It takes 2 to say YES and 1 to say NO.

Robert refers to this as the “math of relationships.” All four relationship quotes are extremely useful, but this one is especially beneficial due to its simplicity and clarity.

Saying NO is readily observed when separation and divorce occur, but it is not as easy to see otherwise. Trying to change someone is a common way to say NO to a relationship. The desired change creates this better, or ideal, person. That means you are saying YES to the “ideal” person but not the real person.

Assume you want someone to stop wearing pink socks. They love pink socks, and you do not. You are now saying YES to the “non-pink sock” person and NO to the “real” person who wears pink socks. That does not mean the relationship is over; it is just one more obstacle standing between you and them.

Saying YES accepts the bad with the good because that is living in reality. Everyone is one package with good and bad traits and behaviors. One comes with the other. That allows you to love them anyway.