The judgment on women is real, it is not some abstract theory. A woman wants to have fulfilling relationships with her children and husband, but with the influence of her judgment, it turns into CONTROL.
Because of this judgment, women are prone to controlling relationships. After studying this judgment and teaching this material for years, it is extremely easy for me to see it happening from both aspects of control – domination (aggressive) or manipulation (passive).
If you are controlling by being dominant, you will see examples like these:
- “Turning up the volume” to get him to hear you
- Complaining about what he does, says, feels – not just in your thoughts, but out loud to those around you, even with him present
- Overriding or trying to override his decisions, telling him how dumb they are
Consider a few proverbs on the subject of a dominant wife or woman:
Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman. – Proverbs 21:9
Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman. – Proverbs 21:19
It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman. – Proverbs 25:24
A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike; whoever restrains her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand. – Proverbs 27:15
God provided multiple stories of women trying to control their husbands, from the outright evil of Jezebel to the more generally laudable Sarah and Rebekah.
If you did not identify with the above statements because you are not expressing control in that aggressive, dominant manner, does that mean you are not controlling? Not necessarily, because you can control, often to an even greater degree, through manipulation. Remember how Rebekah got her way for her favorite son Jacob by deceiving Isaac? That is a classic example of a highly effective way to control.
Of the two views of control, “stealth” or manipulation seems to be used more often, because it does not require power. Stealth relies on cunning and the skill to relate to a person in a way that is deceptive. It gets them to think you are doing what they want or doing what is right, but you are getting your way. Rebekah used manipulation and lies to get her way. The very definition of her name is “ensnarer”.
If you are not dominant, your experience may be more like some of these examples:
- Pouting, remaining aloof
- Acting cold sexually
- Complaining about in him your mind, sometimes to others and may be in the form of “please pray for him”
- Going against your husband’s decisions/desires without telling him, then acting like you never heard or had the discussion about what to do
- Using crying and emotions as leverage
Those behaviors are much easier for many women to identify with, because of their relational design, which is not built on power. When you see dominant, aggressive behavior in a woman, it is most often a product of development from her family system or environment instead of design – the way she is actually “wired”.