How to Improve Your Listening

Your mind is geared toward pictures more than words, and if you want to improve your listening, listen by turning their words into images. When you use the power of your brain and its natural ability to create pictures, you can "see" what people are telling you. Yes, I know that you still need to hear them, but the phrase "turn off the sound" gets you to focus more on what pictures you are seeing rather than trying to hear individual words.

Listen by "Seeing"

“Observational Listening” combines the two senses of hearing and seeing to provide you with a greater ability to be clear about what you hear. It does not mean that you will immediately understand what the other person says. But, when combined with questions about what you are "seeing", you will more accurately see what the other person is trying to tell you.

This approach works best when linked with the skill of asking great questions and summarizing what you see. This material is not enough to help you become proficient at picturing what a person says. For me, that continues to be something to work on. If you want to develop the skill, you will need to get some instruction from people like Robert Fritz (robertfritz.com).

Here are some key points to consider if you want to develop this fantastic skill.

Start with a “Clean Canvas”

If there is one thing that you MUST do to improve your listening, it is “start with a clean canvas.” What does that mean? Imagine that you wanted to draw or paint a picture. Would you get out a piece of paper or a canvas that already had some markings or even another picture on it? Most likely not. Why? You are painting something new. You do not want the new picture cluttered with the old shapes and objects.

That is precisely how you approach an important conversation with a person whom you want to practice Observational Listening. So, what does it mean to have a “clean canvas?”

• Do not put any of your ideas, assumptions, or thoughts on the canvas
• Keep your values and all of your values OFF the canvas
• Clear your mind of everything else and focus on what they are saying

Go back to the formula for listening. This conversation is not about you. It is about them, so focus and be curious about what they say. You want to see a picture of what they are thinking, and that is difficult if you keep putting things on the “canvas” or in the video that are your thoughts and ideas.

The following is far too little to develop your listening skill, but it is a great beginning. The last point is critical!

L.I.S.T.E.N.

L – Limit Your Focus to ONLY the Speaker

• Commit to hearing and understanding the speaker
• Cake the conversation about the speaker
• Use semi-verbals to let others know you are paying attention
• Maintain appropriate eye contact
• Requires energy, discipline, and focus
• Make a deliberate choice to focus on the other person

I – Image Pictures More Than Hear Words

• Listeners “see” the conversation—the mind loves pictures
• Create movies of what is being said
• Stay neutral—not judging: 1) “I will accurately report what I observe” 2) “I will turn my ears on and mouth off” 3) “I will not suggest or correct” 4) “I will not praise or criticize.” Listeners are not neutral all the time, but without being neutral, you seldom listen.

S – Seek Facts with Good Questions

• Use 4 Types of Questions (Information, Clarification, Discrepancy & Implication)
• Listeners use the Rulers of Discovery (What & How sometimes Why)
• Open more than Closed questions are best
• Test assumptions, opinions, and claims

T – Trust Simple and Single Questions

• Ask clear, understandable questions
• Believe simple questions are elegant
• Ask one question at a time
• Focus on one topic at a time

E – Ensure Clarity and Connection with Summaries

• Check how well they are tracking with the speaker
• Summarize to the speaker what has been said so far
• Follow with a question, “Is that a fair summary?”

N – Need Practice

• Practice listening to learn how to listen
• Desire to ask the best question
• Ask yourself the Ultimate Question: “What’s a better question?”

Obviously, just having the above points will not make you an observational listener, but you can see what it requires. Now it is time to find ways to practice each of those items to improve your listening by developing this marvelous skill that you are actually wired to be able to do.