If you numbered the items in the 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 list, items 3 - 10 provide eight ways to become patient because we believe those belong under long-suffering or patient. Each is negatively stated and uses "does not" or "no," so you could call them "love NOTS."

• Does NOT envy
• Does NOT parade itself
• Is NOT puffed up
• Does NOT behave rudely
• Does NOT seek its own
• Is NOT provoked
• Thinks NO evil
• Does NOT rejoice in evil 

Just reading the list is hard, and doing them seems impossible! Of course, the doing can only be achieved by the work of the Holy Spirit living the life of Christ through you.

#3 – Love Does Not Envy

A verse that you will see multiple times in this book and one of the strongest verses in the Bible that describes what a self-absorbed life leads to is –

For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. – James 3:16

The combination of envy and self-seeking is deadly to relationships. Self-seeking, self-absorbed living is a common sickness for all mankind, and when envy is added, it becomes a nightmare.

Another word often combined with envy is jealousy. Both are part of a self-absorbed life, but the focus of the two words is quite different. Envy is focused on what others have, while jealousy is focused on keeping others away from what you see as yours. It would be like saying, “I want what you have, but you stay away from what I have.”

Steering clear of envy is one of the best of the eight ways to become patient.

Comparison Is Damaging

Love does not compare what you have with what they have. Why? Love is not about serving ME; it is about pursuing their best. It does not resent others for their gifts, honors, or material blessings but rejoices with them.  It does not feel inferior because such feelings only come from comparison. When you feel inferior, that is because you are comparing what you have to what others have, so envy may be lurking or already present.

In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul addressed envy, self-seeking, and jealousy related to spiritual gifts. When you read 1 Corinthians 12:4-7, the answer is to focus on serving, not comparing. The answer is understanding how you fit into a body of believers to contribute rather than get.

Love's focus is external, serving and pursuing their best. That requires a clear mind to remember that God has given you everything for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), so envy is lousy thinking and wasted energy.

#4 – Love Does Not Parade Itself

A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you. – C.S. Lewis

You probably have experienced a time when someone is talking about how proficient they are, but actually are not as accomplished as you in a particular activity. The natural tendency is to find an opening to describe your abilities, right? It is only right to let them know how they compare to you, right? Hopefully, that is not one of your common behaviors, but it will be when you follow your sin nature. Self-love, parading yourself, flashing your ME makes sure everyone else knows about ME!

Easy to See in Others

It is amazingly easy to notice when others are parading themselves, flashing their ME. Keep in mind the picture of a ME flashing on your forehead. You do not see it as easily as others. The only way to know it is flashing is to look into the mirror of reality or truth by asking yourself, “Am I especially fond of discussing my stuff or my abilities? Do I make sure my talents and good deeds are noticed and properly praised? Oh, how silly, I don’t do that… or do I?” Be careful to not rationalize bad behavior. You either want the truth or you do not!

This happens in subtle ways, also. Even a right deed done with the wrong motive can be your own little parade. That is the difference between entertaining and hospitality. Entertaining is a show, while hospitality seeks to serve others with china dishes or paper plates.

Esteem Others More Than Yourself

Another verse that is a favorite of ours describes a Christlike mind.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. – Philippians 2:3

When you love, you are not interested in esteeming yourself, you are not boastful, conceited, or a braggart, because you want what is best for others and, more importantly, to glorify God. You do not consider yourself above others, honoring yourself, or parading yourself, because you do not have an “I” problem.

Self-esteem is a fast track to impatience with others and yourself. It is not one of the eight ways to become patient.

#5 – Love Is Not Puffed Up

What do you see when I ask you to picture a peacock, a pufferfish, or a person sticking out their chest?  What about a hot air balloon? 

There is beauty when looking at those pictures, except for one where the person is sticking out their chest. Why doesn’t that demonstrate beauty like the others? Because there is a difference between calling attention to yourself and just showing the beauty of God’s creation.

A Peacock Is Not Self-serving

A peacock is calling attention to itself, not because of its pride in its appearance but because it is fulfilling God’s design. The same is true of the pufferfish and, to a degree, the hot air balloon.

The person sticking out their chest or calling attention to themselves is not beautiful; like we see so many athletes doing nowadays, it is ugly. Of course, there is fun in some of that, but despite the fun, it still presents a message of “all about ME.”

Love is not that way. It does not call attention to itself. Love does not need to be because it is beautiful. It is full of God’s wisdom and focuses your attention on Him. When you love, it can remind you how small you are, how great He is, and that He has gifted all that you have by grace.

Love is Joyful for Others

Now these things, brethren, I have figuratively transferred to myself and Apollos for your sakes, that you may learn in us not to think beyond what is written, that none of you may be puffed up on behalf of one against the other.  For who makes you differ from another? And what do you have that you did not receive? Now if you did indeed receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? – 1 Corinthians 4:6-7

Love is full of joy for others. It is filled with concern for their highest good. Even if you really are talented, accomplished, or influential, when you are filled with pride or obsessed with yourself, it detracts from your accomplishments. Since it is common for everyone to focus on ME, when others hear about YOU, especially if you are boastful, they will likely tune out or discount what you say.

Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another – Romans 12:10

#6 – Love Does Not Behave Rudely

Rude is demeaning, thoughtless, or beyond the boundary of decency. That most likely describes one or more of your actions in the last few days. And those are the things that Satan loves to remind you of, drag you down, and accuse you of being no different than the people of the world.

There would be less for Satan to bring to mind if fewer rude and thoughtless actions were taken. But you cannot reduce those actions without the power of the Holy Spirit in your life. Yes, you may be able to reduce them temporarily, but not long term, because those are actions of the sin nature, and the Spirit is what wars against that behavior as you follow Him. He provides the energy to love and pursue their best, instead of being rude.

This may be one of the hardest of the eight ways to become patient because it is so easy to be rude.

Be Careful with Your Words

The mouth is an easy way to be rude.

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. – Ephesians 4:29

The power of the tongue is described in James 3:2-12, and you know the power from your own experience. Be incredibly careful of sarcasm. That is often rudeness, beyond the boundary of decency, but just covered over with humor. 

Instead, love is courteous, respectful, considerate, and gallant. Love honors authorities, the elderly, and those weaker than you. It gives men the power to be gentle and protective of women and the power for women to be respectful, gracious, and pure to men.

Love does not value one person over another and is respectful of every person’s position, whether you like the person’s behavior or not. God wants us to accept the person, despite their behavior, but stand against bad behavior and speak the truth about it. That is how God deals with us.

God has instituted governments (Romans 13) whether you like the government or not. You are free to work toward correcting and removing poor governing authorities but do not become like them in the process.

Reverence and respect to superiors

Kindness and consideration to inferiors

Courtesy and goodwill to all

– Matthew Henry

Imagine the benefit you can provide to others in this rude and indecent world by deciding to pursue the best for others.

#7 – Love Does Not Seek Its Own

“Seeking its own” is the “lover of self” problem – the PROBLEM for everyone, making it another of the more difficult of the eight ways to become patient. The billions of dollars spent in the educational system and corporate training programs to promote self-esteem will work against society, not for it. If you accept God’s Word, it is apparent that all people are born with a sin nature that is focused on flashing ME rather than helping others. Research shows a clear correlation between hostility and high self-esteem, thus the reason you find criminals with extremely high self-esteem. When you pursue your best, it often contradicts what others see as their best, increasing the probability of hostility.,

Love and selfishness are opposites, even enemies because they are representative of God and Satan. God is love, and Satan is about pride, self-absorption, and flashing ME. Satan continually seeks his way rather than depend on God.

On the other hand, love never seeks to hurt or neglect others. It strives for others’ welfare, satisfaction, and advantage. Love pursues their highest good, and the outstanding benefit is satisfaction and fulfillment.

It's Only Temporary

Think about that.  When you seek your own, you want satisfaction and fulfillment, but it is, at best, temporary; more likely, it does not happen. It is temporary because self is plugged into this world system, ruled by Satan, which is all temporary.

But you operate from an eternal perspective when pursuing their best. This is where long-term, even eternal satisfaction, and fulfillment come. When you pursue the highest good of others, your reward is satisfaction that lasts and is renewed by God eternally.

Consider this scenario. You are selfish and self-absorbed, looking to be satisfied. You indulge in your appetites, impulses, and pleasures and are satisfied. Since the fulfillment was based on something temporary by nature, it can only provide what its nature allows or is. Eating a piece of candy provides temporary fulfillment because it is temporary in its nature. Indulging in materialism, sex, drugs, and alcohol can only provide temporary satisfaction due to their physical and temporal properties.

Worse yet, the dependence on the temporary item can quickly escalate because you want the satisfaction again. But the object of the satisfaction is temporary by nature and invariably produces less rather than more satisfaction as you rely on it. You can continue to escalate the reliance on it or allow your appetites, impulses, and pleasures to drive you into something that promises more satisfaction. But the satisfaction is built on temporal elements, and it becomes a satisfaction Ponzi scheme that eventually collapses. Satisfaction is desired but ultimately unrealized.

Suppose You Pursue Their Best

Instead of seeking your benefit, suppose you pursue the best for another person, and it helps them. It may be satisfying to you and them. Or you do the same thing, and they do not benefit. Is there satisfaction in those situations?

Of course, there is. Satisfaction is dependent on the object trusted to provide satisfaction. If you depend on the person acknowledging how much you helped them, you depend on a faulty source.

If you trust in God’s very nature, His perfection, and trustworthiness, you will be satisfied every time you do what He wants you to do. He is the living water, contrasted against the earthly water that satisfies for a while, then satisfies less the more you drink – yet always having to return because its ability to satisfy wears off.

When you learn to put all of your emotions and pleasure into doing what God asks, that is where true satisfaction is found. It is a satisfaction no longer dependent on life, circumstances, or people.

Serving is Rewarded by God

And God can reward you further when people benefit from you serving them as you desire to please Him. Some people will thank you for your service, even though you were not seeking their thanks. That is a way God blesses you when you are just doing what He wants you to do. He will also provide you peace and joy even when others are displeased with you.

That is the Christian paradox.  By losing your life, you save it.  By passing up selfish pleasures, you are everlastingly rewarded.

Let them do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share, storing up for themselves a good foundation for the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life. – 1 Timothy 6:18, 19

#8 – Love is Not Provoked

The silliest things provoke people. Perhaps it was the gaggle of little girls who insisted a boy was “bothering them” when all he did was grin mischievously at them. Or maybe the same boy gets mad when his favorite cap is snatched, chasing furiously after the cap-snatcher like a cat after a string.

Maybe it is you when someone said something you did not like or spoke in that tone, and you had to tell them how bad their behavior was. Provocation seems an art form to some people, and sadly, there are too many willing perceived victims because of the prominence of our flashing ME.

Doesn't Need to Be You

But that does not have to be you. You do not have to be a victim controlled by their behavior! The path to freedom is found in love which chooses not to react and respond to people or circumstances. You refuse to have buttons people can push because buttons are just ways you try to see yourself and try to make others see you that same way. Buttons are about flashing your ME, which requires you to protect your ME. Love is an outward focus; there is no ME to protect. Love is trusting God to protect ME, so there is no reason to be defensive about someone else’s view of me.

There is a difference between defensive and defending. Defensive is taking it personally, flashing your ME. Defending is like 1 Peter 3:15, “…be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear….” Note the manner of the defense, “with meekness and fear.” Defensive is when you have to be right, flashing your ME while defending provides persuasive, truth-focused dialogue that is not led by inappropriate thinking and emotions.

What About Anger?

There is a place for anger. For example, if a gang beats a child or person, that is wrong and likely to give rise to anger. But with anger, take great care (Ephesians 4:26).

Most of the time, anger grows from the root of the flashing ME. Slow down next time you are angry and ask, “How am I making this about ME right now?”  It will be a rare situation where you are not making it about ME.

It is critical to slow your thinking down. That will help you change your focus to God’s thinking. God wants you to pursue the best for those around you, even if they misunderstand and mistreat you. Love is not provoked because it trusts completely in our PERFECT Father. It does not depend on superficial tactics like venting, punching a bag, or screaming into a pillow. Those tactics may provide some benefit but rarely offer a solution.

The Only Solution

The only solution is to confess your self-seeking ways to God and ask Him to restore a loving (pursuing their best) perspective!

Pursuing their best and loving them is always the best.

It corrects a sharpness of temper, sweetens and softens the mind, so that it does not suddenly conceive, nor long continue, a vehement passion. Where the fire of love is kept in, the flames of wrath will not easily kindle, nor long keep burning. Charity will never be angry without a cause, and will endeavor to confine the passions within proper limits, that they may not exceed the measure that is just, either in degree or duration. Anger cannot rest in the bosom where love reigns. It is hard to be angry with those we love, but very easy to drop our resentments and be reconciled. – Matthew Henry

To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. – C.S. Lewis

#9 – Love Thinks No Evil

This subject is both thinking no evil and not keeping a list of wrongs. Godly actions flow from a mind focused intently on the goodness of God.  Sooner or later, your thoughts will show themselves in your actions, whether evil or good.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.  – Philippians 4:8

While the sin nature drives evil thoughts, the mind seems to be especially attracted to doing evil when others have wronged you. Those wrongs are not easily dismissed. Like Velcro, they stick in your mind and fuel bitterness, resentment, and grudges.

Want More?

How much more love, joy, and peace might you have in your life if you kept no record of wrongs? If you let go of resentment, grudges, hurts, and thoughts of vengeance? What freedom might come if you dropped your suspicions and plans for revenge and instead focused on goodness and deeds of kindness? That is the power of forgiveness, driven by the energy of the Holy Spirit and love.

Additionally, love is not inclined to suspect others of evil. This does not mean closing your eyes to evil but simply not guessing or assuming evil from others. Because of your flashing ME, the comparison is built-in; therefore, it is easier to believe something terrible about them so that you are better, right? That is not love because love does not compare. Love is pursuing their best, not thinking evil of them. It is pursuing ways to help and benefit them.

#10 – Love Does Not Rejoice in Evil

This is closely related to "think no evil" and could easily be accurate to state that love takes no pleasure in anything wrong. Love is not pleased when evil or pain comes to others, is not happy when others sin and is not tolerant of any evil. It does not tolerate the lie that calls evil good or harmless and is not afraid of ridicule from standing for the truth.

Please memorize this quote since it is very relevant to our times.

Evil preaches tolerance until it is dominant and tries to silence good. – Archbishop Chaput

Do not confuse tolerating evil with tolerating mistakes. Love makes allowances for the mistakes and sins of others, loving even in their failings. And, at the same time, is grieved about evil, even if only from a mistake. Love realizes that evil results in pain, grief, and destruction. Love hopes, prays, encourages, and sometimes exhorts and rebukes, pursuing the other person's highest good.

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. – Romans 12:9