How can I accept them when I hate their behavior? The answer requires that you know the difference between accepting and approving.
Accepting others can remove your freedom. Often, accepting others ends up controlling you because it is erroneously connected to the other person’s behavior.
Relationships suffer when you confuse acceptance with approval of their behavior. Those are two separate elements. God’s example shows us that acceptance and approval are not connected – praise God!
He accepts us when we believe in Jesus Christ, His Son! He makes us new creatures, adopts us into His family, and guarantees us a place with Him in eternity! Nothing can separate us from His love.
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39
AND He is either pleased or displeased with our behavior.
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. – Hebrews 11:6
His displeasure with our bad behavior does not change the fact that we are part of His family. Isn’t that true of you and your parents? God accepts us, and our behavior does not control that; it is governed solely by His chosen standard.
You, too, are free to accept others even when their behavior is inappropriate. It is entirely your choice – separate from their qualifications, actions, or thinking. You do not need to reject someone and remove them from your life because of their behavior, but too often, that happens.
You can have standards for accepting someone based on their behavior – that is fine, but you can also accept someone just because you want to! Acceptance is your choice – with or without standards.