What’s Your Opinion?
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Please observe and describe what you see in the picture before reading further. Notice I did not ask what's your opinion about the picture.
When I do this in a group session, most people tell a story about the picture. Few people take the path to observing and describing it. Most often, they say, “A man is getting ready for an important meeting” or something similar.
Observing and describing are different. You see “a coat, tie, vest, hand, cuff, shirt, appears to be a watch, surface of a table maybe.”
What drives the storytelling talent?
The human mind can't stand not knowing something, so it is widespread for us to "fill in the blanks" with an opinion, guess, or assumption.
Consider this statement.
When you do not know, or cannot find the facts, you will tend to “fill in the blanks."
Filling in the blanks about what happened rather than seeking the facts is an unfortunate yet consistent pattern in relationships. It is also a consistent pattern to have with God. We speculate about what He is doing and, worse, who He is.
The Word "Think"
Think is used 72 times in the New King James Bible. Most often, it is used as a synonym for opinion or speculation because the Greek word has that definition. Here are two examples.
Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. – Matthew 10:34
Do you think this is right? Do you say, “My righteousness is more than God’s?” – Job 35:2
God wants your thinking to align with truth because He wants to protect you from error. Too often, error comes from depending on opinions, speculations, or guesses instead of facts.
Are You Aware
It is essential for you to know about the times when you are operating on opinion, rather than truth or facts. Consider a recent difficult conversation you had, especially one involving heightened negative emotions (HNEs). How much speculation and opinion were present? Did you claim something about them that you did not know as a clear fact? How much did the claims and speculation help or hurt the relationship at that time?
When I think of conversations like that, speculation was not beneficial to slowing the emotions or creating a solution. It most often led to further accusations and usually resulted in actions based primarily on speculation. A chain of events was initiated based on opinions, claims, and speculation rather than facts. Worse yet, you may have also seen that further problems were created, or the situation was inflamed, all because of speculation.
Insight About Opinion
Robert Fritz offers this great insight. “Hold the tension.” If you can learn to “hold the tension,” you won’t be “filling in the blanks.” You leave the blank empty until more information can be gathered.
Relationships would benefit if there were less speculation about what other people are thinking, feeling, and doing, and there was more interest in seeking facts. Many relationships would be strengthened. Consider the benefit for all conversations and relationships if more questions were asked in search of truth and facts, rather than operating on opinion and emotion. Relationships would have the opportunity to blossom if the truth were the goal, rather than assuming something is correct.
Focus on whether your thinking and actions are correct, rather than speculating on what others are doing that you believe is wrong. That is where freedom helps dramatically. You will learn more about that in Chapter 8.