Can you change? The answer is yes for most behaviors, but people tend to confuse "can" with "will." So, use the "Can You? - Will You? - When?" technique. It is designed to help people think through their current behavior and decide whether they will change. 

All this talk about freedom, forgiveness, emotions, and change comes down to three simple questions – Can you change? Will you? When? Let's use forgiveness with this technique.

CAN you forgive?

Some of you might say "no" to that question, but that answer is wrong - why? Think about the definition of "can." That question is only asking if you have the ability to forgive. Some of you may have answered the question thinking a decision was needed. No, this is not asking for a decision - only trying to figure out whether you will acknowledge that you have the ability to forgive.

Answering "no" is not living in reality. At some level, anyone who has any mental capacity has the ability to forgive. So, there is only one answer – Yes. We all have the ability to forgive! So, can you change? Of course, you can. You have the ability; will you use that ability?

WILL you forgive?

Why was the "can you forgive" question so important? Because it sets up the "WILL you forgive?" question. Think about it. If you are asked, "Do you have the ability to forgive?" to which you answer "Yes," you have established that you have the ability to do it, but will you? This is a more difficult question; it asks for a decision - for a commitment, to resolve or conclude for or against forgiveness. It is time to choose between bleeding or healing. Can you change? Yes, but will you? 

WHEN will you forgive?

Finally, if you said "yes," you will forgive, then WHEN will you do it? Sometime later next week? Tomorrow? When you feel like it? Please do it as soon as possible, for your own good. Remember, the person whose unforgiveness hurts the most is you! Please do not let the sun set today without forgiving!