It's unfair that they are making demands and not considering how much they need to change, too—right? Worse yet, what if they never change? You may point that out to them, but they ignore it and continue to focus on what you need to change.

In some relationships, like your boss or even a close friend, you may not say anything for fear of losing your job or their friendship—but you are still thinking about it!

What If They Never Change?

Even if you recognize that you are controlling others and stop, you will quickly reboot your control when you ask this question.

But what if they never change? What if they keep their poor values and destructive behavior?

Satan uses that question to encourage worry and fear of the future. The more you worry and fear, controlling their behavior will appear to be the only option. And, what makes you control? You want the worry gone to have peace and rest. You want to be happy, which causes your ME to flash!

A Clear Answer

As you know, only God knows the future. Satan wants you to trust your lousy thinking and fear instead of trusting God and being driven by love (pursuing their best). But you want freedom from worry, so you control to change their behavior. But that enslaves you. Only trusting God can free you from worry!

God's answer to the "What if they never change?" question may be like this. "Please trust My PERFECTION. I want what is best for both of you, so focus on your relationship with Me and trust that I will take care of you and them."

Additionally, consider this…

Worry is not only unnecessary; it is also disrespectful and disobedient to God.

Accepting their freedom not to change does not mean you give up on them changing! Freedom accepts reality. Changing them is not your job. Whether they change or not, your job is simple: tell the truth, love them, and pursue their best. Change is their job and dependent upon God’s plan.

God may be teaching you patience or how to trust Him in those situations. Yes, God may use you as an instrument to help them change, but do not confuse being the instrument with being the cause.

Embrace the Pain

In times of trial, you have an excellent opportunity to embrace the pain instead of running from it. Then, you will see what God wants to teach you through it! You are responsible for offering the truth and not nagging them about it. Truth can defend itself. 

Embracing that the situation is completely in God's hands removes or reduces the times you ask, "What if they never change?" It also helps the relationship because you will try to control less.

Remember, Control Damages Relationships

If you continue with lousy thinking and decide to control, beware. It will hurt your relationships. Control truly or artificially limits a person’s options, making it difficult for them to see or make choices.

When you try to control a person, you act as though they have no choice; they are a robot to be programmed to follow your directions without additional options.

Think about when someone tries to control you. What is your tendency? You likely do not like it and want away from the control. Control encourages rebellion and encourages both of you to live in the Left Circle. You will live in the Left Circle because you want them to change – they will live there because they want you to change.

Seeing or feeling your freedom being removed often results in fear, defensiveness, and even anger. You may aggressively push back or sink into passivity, agreeing with them that you had no choice. Either way, the relationship is impacted negatively, and you do not want to be around that person.

So, what is your answer to the question, "What if they never change?" If you trust God and believe other people are free, you will have more peace and the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Yes, the reality is they are free, but your actions will demonstrate whether you firmly grip that truth.

You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative and independence.  – Abraham Lincoln