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06B - Damage to Children and Future Generations
Important
Intermediate
Video
Damaged Relationships
18 Lessons
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About 06B - Damage to Children and Future Generations
You have seen research to show what is happening with the decline of civilizations, including the eight symptoms of the last stage of degeneration. You have also seen the best and worst ways to operate as a father and mother. With all that information, it is easy to determine that it is not getting better; it is getting worse.
The reality is family systems pass along both good and bad thinking to the children. Multiple issues help and hurt families, and one of the ways you may be hurting your family is the mistake of "triangling." What most families might not know, the structure of your family or how you operate plays a direct role in the mates that children will seek for marriage.
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06B - Damage to Children and Future Generations
Important
Exodus 20:4-5 may include the mother, but it speaks explicitly to fathers. Since it speaks directly to fathers, you see the role of leadership that God expects from fathers because that is the assignment He gave them.
Important
The children often imitate their parents, especially in their formative years. So, what they see, they will tend to do. It is like that old statistic of “Why do I drive a Ford?” Because, odds are, “My dad drove a Ford.” I do not even look for other cars. I am just looking for a Ford.
Important
In his Hope for Relationships videos, Dr. Marlin Howe discusses two families that show the influence of the family system. The first is the Kennedy family, as in John F. Kennedy, his extended family. You hear about the men but do not hear much about the women.
Important
The list is long and starts with one of the members of the Hebrews 11 "Hall of Faith." Even in his family system, he passed some bad behavior to his son.
Important
Dr. Marline Howe said, “When stress hits the system, family pathology will override theology unless you’re deeply committed to objective truth.”
Important
An ancient Jewish tradition talks about passing on roots and wings as two wonderful gifts to your children. The first gift is roots, meaning the ability to relate, be dependent, the ability to belong, nest, and know how to be a “we.”
Important
Triangling is a term that is best understood by keeping the shape of a triangle in your mind. Each of the triangle's three points typically represents a person and sometimes a thing. It occurs in a family primarily because the mother and father are not meeting each other's emotional needs.
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Unfortunately, triangling is a common theme for families, especially parents living out their dreams and life through their children.
Important
Triangling asks a child to be too close to one parent and distant from the other. So, the child is asked to choose one parent over the other. That also encourages sibling rivalry because the children see that one or more children get favored treatment from a parent, but they are not.
Important
Out of balance with God-given design happens when triangling occurs with the parent of the opposite sex. That is also called cross-gendering. That was the situation with Jacob and Rebekah. That drives the child to learn more about how to be like the opposite sex than their design.
Important
Fond or Favor is a way to help the family system get on a better path. If you remember, it is best when the father and a mother have a 3+ relationship.
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Watch to hear about a simple approach to identify potential triangling in the family. Always remember that the reason for triangling is that the mother and father have a strained relationship and do not get their emotional needs met by their spouse.
Important
The research provided by Westley-Epstein showed when the relationship between the parents was good, the children were happier and healthier, and the children were not used for the emotional needs of the parents. When the parents met each other’s needs, they saw their children as distinct from themselves.
Important
How Can I Get My Kids into Harvard? – Art Moore, www.AllProDad.com (Complete article is a resource attachment below.)
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What is easily missed, parents damage both the favored and forgotten. The damage for the favored is over-emphasis on roots and not enough on wings. It is the opposite for forgotten or separate children.
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When you raise a child, you help shape how they think about relationships and marriage. That is why triangling creates such damage. It inserts into children flawed thinking about themselves and who they are attracted to. You, as a parent, are not only an example, but you also help develop their thinking about a future spouse.
Important
The family system shapes children's thinking to be attracted to a type of person to be their mate. That sets up the context for two types of marriages: a reverse-sex-role or an exaggerated-sex-role marriage.
Important
You might be thinking that the Reverse-Sex-Role marriage does not describe your marriage. Well, another option is the Exaggerated-Sex-Role marriage.