Are You Falling In Love?
If someone asks, "Do you love me?" Are they asking if you are "falling in love" with them? Are they wondering if you are "falling out of love" with them?
The term "falling in love" probably would be part of the conversation, because it is so much a part of relationships. Unfortunately, the phrase itself is a big problem and encourages further problems. That phrase is too often used as one of the criteria for meaningful relationships.
World's View of Love
There is a much better way to look at love, but let's see how some people would define love. The following are some thoughts about love from the world's perspective.
- “Love, as it exists in society, is nothing more than the exchange of two fantasies and the contact of two skins.” Nicolas Chamfort
- “Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. “ Maurice Chevalier
- “Love is friendship plus sex.“ Havelock Ellis
"Falling In Love"
When people say that they are "falling in love", it implies something that just happens to them. It's like "love dust" floating down on two people and then they look at each other and they are "in love!"
While I do believe in the idea of "chemistry" between two people, that isn't love. That is attraction, but NOT love. That "chemistry" is more accurately the concept of "falling in love." When your relationship depends on that type of thinking, you believe that love is something that just happens. It is out of your control and depends on fleeting emotions that stay or leave. Again, that is something "happening" to you.
That is a completely inaccurate picture of the beauty of love.
Worse yet, "FALLING IN love” creates a fickle, superficial, and temporary view of love. It distorts the way love and relationships work.
Of course, if you are "falling in love" then that obviously implies if the magic "Love Dust" goes away—you are "FALLING OUT of love".
How many times have you heard that horrible excuse for a breakup in a marriage or relationship? What a great way for Satan to cheapen something that is so amazing and valuable as love. Falling in and out love degrades love to a simple glance (love at first site) or even a lust of the flesh (I love their body!). Again, that is not love, at best it is just attraction!
Love is a choice, a decision that can and often does generate an array of emotions, but love is not an emotion. The definition below provides an accurate way to think about love. It is the most important thing to practice in all of your relationships. This is the definition you need in order to give you a chance for a GREAT RELATIONSHIP.
Pursuing the BEST (the highest good) for others; patiently, kindly, sacrificially and unconditionally
Unfortunately, the difficult news is there are are no guarantees that the relationship will actually please you, much less be great. Why? Remember the math of relationships from Robert Fritz? "It takes two to say yes and one 1 to say no."
But, when you understand and practice love as defined above, it doesn't matter if they say NO, because you still love them and continue to say YES.
Isn't that the way God LOVES us?
That definition is THE SOLUTION for all relationships. You may have a spouse or a friend that no longer wants a relationship with you, this definition is the only place your mind needs to be right now. You may have someone trying to manipulate and dominate you right now. This definition is your city of refuge, because the definition not only means you are doing what God asks, but you are also trusting Him to take care of you.
Relationships are crippled unless you do what that definition says. And, when at least one person in the relationship practices the definition, the relationship has hope. Unfortunately, most people give up when you don't get a return on your love investment. Aren't you glad that God isn't that way!
So, the next time you say, "I love you", are you really saying that you will pursue their best; patiently, kindly, sacrificially and unconditionally!
Think about it, that is a mouthful when you say and then commit to do what the definition says.